Check out past show logs from the month of December 2008
Friday December 19th, 2008
6:02 – Having an office party with open bar the night before Danny has Jose Canseco on the show was not a good idea. Danny’s feeling the effects of lack of sleep today. There are some people that work for CBS Radio here in Philly that don’t know what Danny is doing in Philly. Usually when people say ‘Hey, I like your show’ they’re talking about Breaking Bonaduce. When putting together season two VH1 bosses had a bit of an issue with doing it. In season one they were a witness to filming about 12 felonies. If they film a second season they’re an accessory to crime. The solution? Find redemption!
6:08 – Danny was out with some big bosses at Skinner’s on Market St. late last night and was out until midnight and woke up with one thought. Canseco. There’s still transportation issues. Danny has a mile-long walk to work that equates to 180 miles a month. His ex-wife asked for a favor, but with a condo in L.A., a huge alimony payment, and an agent it’s not going to be easy to swing. His girlfriend Amy is far less demanding of his income, she’s good with money. His Harley was boxed in so he had to ride Amy’s bright blue scooter today. Danny’s wound up for Canseco today.
6:32 – Angelo Nunez is on the phone line. He fought Oscar De La Hoya in 1993. He’s going to be training Danny for the Canseco fight over the Christmas break. At Danny’s request he’ll be staying in the loft of a barn with a space heater and no bathroom. Danny goes through all the negatives of fighting Canseco. Angelo dubs him Jose ‘Cansinko’. Prime Time Boxing works with fighters to teach them the sweet science and take them to the next level. Danny needs to work on head movement and strategy. Shila wants to know about Canseco’s weaknesses. Canseco doesn’t have the heart that Danny does, he’s not a quitter. Angelo has a plan to help Danny win and he’s going to turn him into a machine. Danny’s fired up.
6:43 – Angelo had fight with Oscar De La Hoya and Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Angelo took on world champions and he’s going to train Danny in the same way he was trained. He’s confident after the spiritual experience of training at Prime Time Boxing will leave Danny standing at the end of the fight.
7:01 – Danny reads a letter from a soldier coming home from Kuwait who got support letters from Soldiers Angels. Danny’s brother in-law was overseas in the Marines, came back, and joined the Army to go back. He’s been shot three times and he’s quite good with demolitions.
7:05 – News with Shila:
Sarah Maywhort can't hide the magnitude of these precious moments leading up to giving birth. Her boyfriend and father to be, Lance Corporal Dan Thompson, who's serving in Iraq, will be able to see the birth of his son. St. Mary Medical Center set up a laptop and a webcam, allowing the 23-year-old to watch his son be born.
Phillies second baseman Chase Utley's use of the F-bomb during the team's World Series victory parade on Oct. 31 has landed in the lap of the Federal Communications Commission. The FCC reports it received 26 complaints from the public about Utley's language, which was heard live, in the late afternoon, on at least five television stations and one radio station, KYW (1060). Nielsen Media Research estimated that more than 825,000 local viewers saw part of the parade on CBS3, 6ABC, NBC10, Fox29, or Comcast SportsNet. FCC Danny dodges the FCC every day, they won the World Series. Back up!
Humane officers say a Pennsylvania woman marketed "gothic kittens" with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed three kittens and a cat Wednesday from a home outside Wilkes-Barre
The National Park Service is still investigating the theft of the life-size statue of baby Jesus that was stolen from 5th and Makret. The Theft was discovered by a member of the maintenance staff. Maybe they’d know where to find him if their baby Jesus had GPS!
Danny needs a weightlifting buddy to keep his muscle size up.
7:33 – Brother Bonaduce is ready for your sins on Forgiveness Friday!
Tim from Levittown is going to go out drinking tonight and his friend’s girl might ask for the uncomfortable sex. The lord wants you to have a good time, its okay to fantasize and not to actually covet thy neighbor’s ass.
Matt has chosen celibacy but doesn’t want to lose his children’s respect by going out with women and having sex. Matt wants to get some, but the father he’s showing his kids is creating a false idol. Get a piece in the name of the Lord.
Kevin, a veteran, isn’t sure if he sinned or not. He had impure thought about watching John Conner getting hit by a train. Danny suggests not contacting Conner because his followers have the power to fry his computer. No sin has been committed!
Marty’s wife had an affair last Christmas and it’s tough for him to get into the Christmas spirit. Is he worried that it’ll happen again? The guy she cheated with is in jail, but she hasn’t apologized for it. Marty’s sin is staying with the girl.
7:52 – Jimmy the Bank Robber does weather
7:53 – Danny is interested in actually interviewing Jose Canseco, not getting into brawl in the studio. He brought steroids to baseball. January 24th is the day that he’ll get to crack open Canseco’s skull, today should be peaceful…
8:28 – Jose Canseco is in the studio. He and Danny dress the same wy. Jose also has become addicted to the smokeless electronic cigarette. A security guard walks in to make sure that Danny and Jose don’t get out of hand and Danny asks him to step out.
Jose used to watch Danny on the Partridge Family, he was in the Bass Brothers. Jose was in the Bash Brothers. Jose wrote ‘Juiced’ and ‘Vindicated’ about the legacy of his steroid use. Danny’s a fan of steroids. He didn’t ruin the sport; he just made it more interesting. It wasn’t cheating because he wasn’t the only one using. 80-85 percent were using when he was playing. Both Jose and Danny are getting corrective therapy for misusing steroids.
Danny watched Jose’s A&E biography, where was the evil, rotten person that ruined baseball? The press would pit Jose against Mark McGwire and tried to incite jealousy. Jose was blackballed by Major League Baseball when he was 38 homeruns away from 500 for his career. Two divorces, bad investments, and supporting family have taken its toll on Jose’s finances. Steroids are misunderstood and there are far worse chemicals out there to put in his body.
Danny can’t understand why people hate Jose and why he isn’t working. Danny takes a call from Duffy, who bough tons of Canseco memorabilia that’s lost its value. It’s not Jose’s fault. For tix, contact Center Stage Tickets by calling 800-677-8499 or online at ticketlynx.com.
8:49 – Danny puts callers on with Jose.
Sonny wants to know about Jose’s strategy for fighting Danny. Jose learned that size doesn’t matter with Vai Sikahema. He didn’t expect what Vai was coming with. Danny’s not fired up to take a Canseco punch to the face.
Tim from Middletown is a Jose fan and thanks Jose for setting the goal of 40/40 and a World Series championship and following through.
Bob wants to know what Jose thought about his ex-wife posing for Playboy. They were divorced by then and it didn’t surprise him. She got paid well.
Raul believes Jose was an asset to the game and he doesn’t need to be given the Pete Rose treatment.
Pete is a High School baseball coach thinks that Jose’s image will be immaculate in 15 years. Jose put a spotlight on all the performance enhancing drugs being used in many levels of baseball, professional and amateur.
8:55 – Jose and his girlfriend were detained for a controlled substance, HGC, recently. Once you start cycling the body stops making testosterone naturally thus needing some outside help.
Tony wants to know if Jose will ever play baseball again. If Moyer can pitch at 46 maybe Jose can too.
Rick wants to know Jose’s affect on the kids. Hopefully positive. Testing and staying clean create an even playing field.
Jimmy the Bank Robber wants to know how Madonna was. Ask A-Rod now, Jose says it’s true. Jose never had sex with her, he never found her attractive.
Michelle thinks Jose is beautiful, what affects have the steroids had on his equipment. Makes the testicles smaller, but that’s it. Danny was prepared to use his jagged rings to make Jose ugly if things got out of hand in the studio.
Matt asks about the long term mental affect of steroids on the brain. Shila’s friends have experienced ‘roid rage. Danny has a short fuse and never lost control. He found himself getting nicer because he wanted to avoid rage.
Creighton Gubanek played for the A’s system when Jose was playing for the club too. Creighton used steroids in winter ball and wanted to back up Jose’s story.
Danny points out that there wasn’t ONE hate call, he thinks that Jose should be doing sports on radio or television?
Danny and Jose have a press conference today and look forward to taking it to the ring.
9:38 – Sarah and Rachel, ‘Double Trouble’, who are appearing at Al’s Diamond Cabaret are in the studio. Could they be tipsy? They need a few drinks to get loosened up on stage. Danny sends Gibbons to get beer. The girls were in Penthouse recently and got rather close physically. Kissing each other is like kissing your aunt to them. They kiss Danny to show them the difference. They’re relatively new to the adult scene. Metro’s never seen identical twin sister grope one another, so there’s some boob honkin’. Danny’s impressed with their four identical boobs.
Neither of them is gay, but Sarah’s had some bisexual tendencies. She’s eying up Shila. See them this weekend at Al’s Diamond Cabaret.
9:53 – ‘Hey, Where We Dinking’ is tonight at McFadden’s on 3rd between Spring Garden and Callow Hill and the codeword is ‘Knock Out.’
9:57 – Final Thought: After meeting Jose Canseco in person and then meeting two hot, drunk twins that showed me their breasts. I don’t have a single thought in my head.
Thursday December 18th, 2008
6:02 – Danny’s teeth aren’t his teeth. Some are veneers, some are screwed in. They’re GNARLY! Danny has trouble saying ‘Theme Song’ and ‘Chrysanthemum.’ Yesterday Taya Parker was in the studio and flirted with Danny and invited him to a party in New York City. She didn’t have a date and taking Danny would have gotten him into the papers. He couldn’t do it, so she gave him her phone number. She didn’t write down her name with the number so his girlfriend Amy wouldn’t know whose number it was. While wrapping the show up yesterday Amy burst through the door and hit Danny so hard his headphones fell off. He handed over Taya’s number, which Amy hit him again and ripped it up. Now Danny thanks Shila for taking Amy out for a few drinks and went to bat for Danny and stuck up for him being honest and straight forward. She calmed down, but this morning they got into an argument. We’ll see what happens at 10:01 when the show is over.
6:29 – Shila was drinking with Danny’s girlfriend yesterday night when he meet up with them. She was drinking…a lot. Shila was drinking large amounts with vodka, Danny was buying the rounds. Danny has three Belvedere vodkas and Shila realizes he’s drunk. Amy convinces Danny to go upstairs to bed, but before leaving Danny licks both of their faces. Big lick, not little ones. Then when going away Danny skipped his way home.
Danny disputes Shila’s testimony. Her stomach hurts, but wasn’t drunk last night. Danny doesn’t drink Belvedere vodka; someone drank their shots with oranges and sugar. Wasn’t Danny or Amy. If Danny ordered the drinks how did the oranges and sugar get there? She wanted something to sweeten up the drinks. Danny confesses to being a face licker, it’s like a wet handshake. As for the skipping? He does that regularly too. Doing a happy gesture will let the people around you know you enjoyed their company and also put you in a good mood. Be prepared to be licked and skipped Friday night. Shila wanted a lemon for a vodka lemon shot, but the bartender gave her oranges instead.
6:43 – Shila wants Amy on the line to testify. Amy says that Danny ordered three shots of Belvedere vodka. Amy also confirms that Shila wanted lemons, but got oranges. He also stole her food, wait, it was his food because he paid for it. Amy does agree that licking is common with Danny. Skipping isn’t out of place for Danny. He’s skipped at malls, around the Liberty Bell, beaches in Los Angeles. It wasn’t an crazy drunk night, it was just Wednesday.
6:58 - News with Shila:
1. Chrysler is closing all its North American manufacturing plants for at least a month, the starkest move yet taken by U.S. automakers as they anxiously await word about government loans. Chrysler, GM and Ford have been taking dramatic steps as they struggle to survive the recession and U.S. sales have dipped to their slowest rate in 26 years. Chrysler and General Motors fear they might not have enough money to pay their bills in a matter of weeks.
Chrysler said Wednesday it would extend the normal two-week holiday shutdown that begins Friday to at least Jan. 19 at all 30 of its factories due to slumping sales.
2. The annual Mummer's Parade in Philadelphia will go on as scheduled Jan. 1, but the groups of costumed performers are asking for the public's help in paying for the event. The city has said it can only contribute $300,000, and organizers say they believe the event will cost at least $347,000 to pay for police and cleanup. The Mummers groups voted in favor of an agreement with the city Wednesday night for a shortened 6 1/2-hour parade that will follow the original parade route down Broad Street past City Hall.
3. A Bucks County man was arrested after he allegedly abducted two students at gunpoint outside a Bucks County elementary school. The incident happened Monday evening outside Penn Valley Elementary School in Levittown, Pa. John Sernia, of Levittown, has been charged with kidnapping a 14-year-old and a 15-year-old. Sernia said he was looking for a boy that he purchased alcohol for at the school. He took 2 teens from the school to the boy house, but he wasn't home. Sernia then took the teens back to the school where police said he got out of the SUV and started talking about the gun as a witness was walking by and got involved. Police later arrested Sernia at his girlfriend's home. He has been charged with aggravated assault, terroristic threats and kidnapping.
4. Drew Peterson is getting married. The former Chicago police officer is engaged to wed for the fifth time.
Peterson is still married to his fourth wife, Stacy, who has been missing since last year. Peterson has been named a suspect in her disappearance. He is also being investigated in the death of his third wife. His publicist confirmed that peterson who is 54 proposed to his 23 year old girlfriend of four months. the identiity of his new financee has not been released.
5. A doctor has removed a brain tumour from a newborn baby which contained a nearly perfectly formed foot and parts of another foot, a hand and a thigh. The incredible discovery was made by pediatric neurosurgeon Dr Paul Grabb in Colorado, when he operated on three-day old Sam after an MRI scan showed a microscopic tumour on his brain. The growth may have been a case of 'fetus in fetu' - in which a fetal twin begins to form within another - but such cases very rarely occur in the brain. Sam is recovering at home.
7:24 – Whou Would Win In a Fight? Santa vs. The Easter Bunny.
What size Easter Bunny? A six foot bunny. Metro says that Santa’s probably drunk because he’s jolly, he’s got great endurance with all the work he does in one day. Shila thinks the Easter Bunny is healthier, he eats vegetables, great jumping ability, Santa’s too fat to fight. Danny takes the Easter Bunny too. He’s too fast for Santa to catch up to. The Easter Bunny has teeth, claws, and can kick with his feet. Danny also brings up a great point about a bunny killing many of King Arthur’s knights in Monty Python’s Holy Grail. That rabbit’s dynamite!
7:29 – Callers Tim and Frank take the Easter Bunny too. Metro counters that Santa’s power would knock the Bunny on his ass. However Santa is a heart attack waiting to happen. Mike calls in to bring up that Santa has magic powers, he does know what the Easter Bunny’s thinking and if he’s been naughty or nice. To display the power of a smaller dynamic fighter Danny takes Metro’s hat off his head, after grabbing his groin to distract him. Danny’s a dirty fighter, but he wins!
7:37 – One caller brings up that The Easter Bunny has no nemesis, but Santa has The Grinch to fight with. The toy work shop could be a hardcore dojo, or it could be just for elves. Dan calls in to say that Santa would win hands down, he has a black belt! Maureen brings up the rabbit punch; it is named after a bunny! Another guy says that Santa’s finishing move is a belly splash that would crush the Easter Bunny. JJ brings up that there are multiple Santas around the world, but most are drunk. One woman brings up that the Easter Bunny is like Jesus’s brother, you know he exists, but you never saw him. Dave goes with Santa, who only gets fat during the holidays.
7:43 – It’s a tie…Danny needs a tie breaker. The deciding caller takes the Easter Bunny, Santa has a sever lack of mobility.
7:55 – Soldiers Angels is a cause Danny’s proud to get behind. He supports the military and was even awarded metals on behalf of the armed forces. He had an appearance on The O’Reilly Factor after confronting a conspiracy theorist. Danny is the number 4 person thelist that soldiers in Iraq would want to have , but there's a lot of red tape holding it up.
1. A mixed martial arts fighter and his wife have been found shot to death in a Laguna Niguel condominium in what authorities say was an apparent murder-suicide. Orange County sheriff's officials say the bodies of Justin Levens and his wife Sarah McLean-Levens were found Wednesday afternoon. The 28-year-old Levens competed in the Ultimate Fighting Championship and other fighting federations.
2. Nashville police say country singer Mindy McCready has been hospitalized after an apparent suicide attempt. A police report says McCready's brother discovered she had cut her wrists and taken several pills at her home Wednesday. Timothy McCready told police his sister had been "very intoxicated" after a night out. If you can’t complete the world’s easiest task Danny has no respect for you. Danny once left his radio show to save a guy who was OD’ing.
3. A mystery illness has prompted doctors to order actor Jeremy Piven to "immediately" quit his role in Broadway play Speed The Plow. The Entourage star made his Broadway debut in the David Mamet play on 23 October and was scheduled to perform throughout the show's run, until its close on 22 February. Danny’s known Piven for 20 years; he needs an ego-ctomy
4. Full House actress Jodie Sweetin is not allowed to see her 8-month-old daughter without supervision, an Orange County, Calif., judge ruled during an emergency custody hearing Wednesday. The ruling came after Sweetin's estranged husband Cody Herpin accused her of being an unfit mother -- and allegedly that she once drove intoxicated with their daughter Zoie in their car. Danny knows her from a sober living house, she’s smoking hot. There was a giant swing that Pam Anderson would use while Tommy Lee played piano. Sweetin did some swinging when she lived with them?
8:31 – Danny’s Horrible Hollywood Memories:
Jay wrote in to ask what celebrities Danny partied with that got out of hand. Lara Flynn Boyle was at a Goo Goo Dolls concert and she fell off the stage. Danny caught her and his radio sidekick lashed out at her. Boys responded with a drunken, slurring tirade in which she took credit for writing EVERY single show on television, and changing her name to do so at times. Her claims to fame: Being skinny, Twin Peaks, The Practice and sleeping with Jack Nicholson. Maybe she wrote The Practice, not David E. Kelly.
8:46 – Danny’s fighting Jose Canseco in January, but he doesn’t know a lot about Canseco’s baseball career. After watching the Sikahema/Canseco fight Danny learned that Jose only has one move: jab, uppercut. With Danny hanging low it’s not going to be easy to get an uppercut in on him. Danny’s strategy is to stick his head in Canseco’s chest and pound away. Why can’t Danny win? Canseco’s not that good; he’s going for the knock out! The height weight disadvantage is the same as Danny vs. Gary Coleman.
8:53 – Mike, caller wants to know what makes Danny such a tough guy? He is worried about Canseco, but he’s thinking positive.
9:01 – Danny blasts through some phone calls real quick. Brady wants to know what Danny saw in the Sikahema/Canseco fight that got Danny fired up. He looked tired and out of breath as the fight went out. Junior wants to take over Danny’s alimony payment if we can get rid of punk callers. Matt’s money is on Danny. Dave is coming back from Jersey with his husband and wants Danny to beat up Mike. Danny doesn’t want to beat Mike up, he just wants him to actually listen to the what he’s saying. There is a concern that Canseco is still on steroids. That is a concern. There’s a difference between tough and insanity Bob from Delaware liked how Danny handled Mike. What’s Danny’s soft side? He skips, he loves his girlfriend, and some vodka and a vicodin warm him up and make him cuddly.
9:08 – News with Shila:
1. President George W. Bush knows he's unpopular. But here's what matters, he says: "I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy." Look, everybody likes to be popular," said Bush. "What do you expect? We've got a major economic problem and I'm the president during the major economic problem. I mean, do people approve of the economy? No. I don't approve of the economy. ... I've been a wartime president. I've dealt with two economic recessions now. I've had, hell, a lot of serious challenges. What matters to me is I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy."
2. An Egyptian man said on Wednesday he was offering his 20-year-old daughter in marriage to Iraqi journalist, who threw his shoes at U.S. President George W. Bush. His daughter, Amal, said she agreed with the idea. "This is something that would honor me. I would like to live in Iraq, especially if I were attached to this hero,” The Iraqi journalist’s response was not immediately clear.
3. In a city right outside of Atlanta, a Muslim woman was arrested for refusing to take off her head scarf at a courthouse security checkpoint. She felt her human and civil rights were violated. A judge ordered Lisa Valentine, 40, to serve 10 days in jail for contempt of court. Lisa believes her human and civil rights were violated. She said she was unexpectedly released after the Washington-based Council on American-Islamic Relations urged federal authorities to investigate the incident as well as others in Georgia. The group cited a report that the same judge removed a woman and her 14-year-old daughter from the courtroom last week because they were wearing Muslim head scarves. That’s separation of church and state and she’ll probably win. However it is a Class B felony to wear a disguise in public, why does Danny know this?
4. A British pilot said he ran into an unusual hazard while making an emergency landing — a cow. Rob Wotton said he was trying to land his World War II-era Tiger Moth after the engine stalled just after takeoff southwest of London on Sept. 14. He was about to touch down in a field when the animal wandered into his way. An accident report said the cow was "apparently uninjured." This story is utterly ridiculous!
9:36 – Danny reads an e-mail from a guy who didn’t like Danny’s take on Bush getting a shoe thrown at him. Obviously Matt wasn’t listening when Danny talked about getting death threats for supporting the troops and appearing on the O’Reilly Factor. Mr. Bonaduce is number 4 on the list of the person the troops want to see overseas. You can like Danny for any reason you want, but Danny defends his country and would do so with his life.
9:56 – Danny’s Final Thought: Nobody’s gonna like everybody and I have more unlikable traits than most. You could shoot an arrow in to the air and where it lands? Usually in a spot where you can find a reason to hate me. Here’s all I ask, listen to the show and if you’re going to hate me just pick the right friggin’ reason. There’s a ton of them.
Wednesday December 17th, 2008
6:02 – Danny is impressed by Shila’s toned arms, he’s never seen her without long sleeves before. Danny’s usually perky, but he’s the new guy in the city he was born in. He had to take his girlfriend’s scooter to get gas yesterday. Everyone had an opinion on where Danny should get gas. Metro gets gas in Jersey because he lives in the city and walks everywhere. Shila too. Jeff the Program Director went to look up a gas station on the internet.
6:07 – Shila went to school at Villanova, but partied at Temple and Drexel because ‘Nova was no fun. Villanofun! Shila would not dress up for classes, but she’s started to dress better at work to build up the sexiness at work. How can a woman that has no sex be bringing sexy back? She’s just bringing y back.
6:13 – Danny is getting used to the way people drive in Philly. Every red light looks like a 15 car pileup in the design of shark teeth. Speaking from experience Danny warns to be careful about accidentally ending up on 76 when looking for a gas station on Vine St.
6:27 – Top 20 Movies That Make Men Cry:
20 - It's A Wonderful Life
Metro cried at this one, Danny too.
19 - Schindler's List
Real life movies affect Danny more than fiction. Danny bawled at Spartacus. The 'I am Spartacus' scene.
Rob calls in to talk about ‘Brian's Song’, #3 and Road to Perdition.
Jim from Manyunk, a manly man, only cries when he leaves the theater and realizes how much he paid for an awful movie. A movie that his wife makes him go to.
18 – ‘Frequency’
17 – ‘Dead Poets Society’
Danny hated it, Shila wept. Danny’s not a fan of Robin Williams.
Mike from Pottstown goes for ‘Philadelphia’. Not on the list. Danny’s favorite scene is where Denzel gets hit on by a man in the grocery store. Zoli’s movie is ‘My Dog Skip’ with Kevin Bacon. Shila isn’t affect by animal deaths as much as human deaths. Mark’s choice is ‘Passion of the Christ’ which is number 10. Quite a gory movie and made the Romans, Danny’s ancestors, look cruel.
6:42 – Another caller brings up ‘Forrest Gump’ is number 16. Most Tom Hanks movies turn on Danny’s waterworks. Metro gets sad when he buries Jenny.
6:48 – Maybe Danny has weak tear ducts, he cries when arguing or when watching sad movies. Shila doesn’t cry because she doesn’t want to be seen as weak.
John calls in with another Tom Hanks movie, ‘Saving Private Ryan.’ That’s number seven on the list.
Darren’s choice is ‘Rudy’, number five on the list. Danny’s never been motivated by a public speaker for more than 72 hours. He’s gotten more
6:53 – Carl’s pick is ‘Field of Dreams’, number one on the list. Danny’s brother had his first catch with their dad at 47 years-old after he had two strokes and hit him in the head with the ball. Danny’s dad fired up with “Catch, not all you thought it would be, huh?”
The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance. Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the nearby ShopRite, but also with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article about the cake. Danny wanted to name his kids Doctor and Lawyer, but his wife wasn’t having it, so his daughter is Countess Isabella Michaela Bonaduce and his son is Count Dante Jean-Michel Valentino Bonaduce. One of Dante’s middle names comes from the artist Basquiat, Danny and his wife had just seen the movie and were inspired by the film’s director, but not by his art.
7:29 – Vick calls in about keeping the Mummer Parade. What could we get rid of? The Greek Picnic! Maybe the Mummers will have to do more fund raising themselves. One Mummer calls in to point out that lots of cops and firemen ARE Mummers. Another caller clarifies a little confusion about the Greek Picnic. It’s not a bunch of Greek people, but a Fraternity/Sorority celebration. One woman calls in to admit that she named her daughter Jaqueline Daniel. What club is she going to be dancing at when she turns 18?
7:37 – Rules of Strip Clubs!
Danny hasn’t been to many strip clubs in his life. He’s never seen the point of going somewhere to get wound up and not be able to do anything about it. Shila’s been to more strip clubs than Danny. Bikini Bars are different than BYOB’s because of liquor licenses.
1. Stay clean – Watch your hygiene
2. Have money with you – Charm and wit won’t get you anything for free. Metro’s been a victim of ‘one more’ lap dances and spent a small fortune.
3. They’re not your therapists – They’re there to entertain you, not to hear about your problems. When Shila was going to strip clubs the girls at the club would pour their hearts out to her. She was a regular like Norm at ‘Cheers.’
Steve calls in to say that he did some ‘down there’ touching at a Delaware Ave. strip clubs. Metro knows the rank of skank at the strip clubs.
7:59 – Entertainent News:
A collection of photographs of Marilyn Monroe taken for Vogue magazine the year she died has been auctioned in New York for nearly $150,000. A spokeswoman for Christie's auction house says the 36 photos taken by Bert Stern sold for $146,500 on Tuesday. The pre-sale estimate was $100,000 to $150,000. Danny thinks it’s too high, Shila thinks it was low for her last professional photographs.
Even though Madonna has agreed to fly to Britain to spend Christmas with her ex-hubby Guy Ritchie and the kids, she also would like Alex Rodriguez to join her there, it has emerged. Post-divorce Danny understands compromising to keep it easy.
Delgo's $916,000 gross is the lowest ever by a film that opened on more than 2,000 screens — 2,160 to be exact. Its $424 per-theater average means that some showings of the animated sci-fi fantasy in more competitive markets likely played to audiences of fewer than five people at a time. Last Friday's Defamer Attractions column foresaw $3.2 million for the movie, based on general tracking data and the probability that distributor Freestyle Releasing could at least break seven figures with a voice cast including Freddie Prinze Jr., Jennifer Love Hewitt. What’s Danny’s worst movie? H.O.T.S., t was made to be a tax dodge, but made more money than they anticipated. Danny also did a movie with Elvis. The King gave him a Cadillac. Not a real Caddie, it was a pedal car.
8:16 – Call Chris calls in to agree that ‘Shybox’ is a great nickname for Shila. Penthouse Pet Taya Parker is about to come in. Danny was a Penthouse centerfold before!
8:25 – Penthouse Pet Taya Parker comes in the studio, she’s not wearing much. Merry Christmas Danny! Danny and Taya compare symbolic necklaces. Hers is for Penthouse Pet of the Year; his is Johnny Fairplay’s tooth. Taya talks about her implants, she got an upgrade! Danny wants Taya to look at Shila’s friend Courtney’s chest to see if it’s real.
What does Taya get for being Penthouse Pet of the Year? The sweet necklace, a cash prize and she’s the spokeswomen for the magazine for 12 months. Taya was checking out Danny’s ass during his smoke break. Taya’s been in the ‘adult’ industry for 10 years. She’s a veteran in that world.
8:35 – She sings in her dad’s band and they don’t like what she does, but they agree to disagree. She’s supportive of Shila’s vow of semi-celibacy. Taya does work at lots of adult clubs across the country. Her show ranges from sexy costumes to nudity. She was voted Adult Entertainer of the Year in 2008. Taya’s never had a threesome or been with a girl. It’s too bad Danny’s girlfriend Amy was hit by a bus today, Danny needs a hug to console him. Taya is single and horny. She will be appearing on the new season of Rock of Love.
8:46 – Danny is checking out Taya’s PotY centerfold. She’s got a special trick! She came up with it when she would get bored doing lap dances at strip clubs. Danny’s girlfriend Amy is on the line, she’s not dead after all! She’s not dead, but he is. She hung up on him. Taya is obsessed with Danny’s butt. The couch is in the room, Taya’s going to show her move to Danny. Taya’s blown away how mainstream and socially acceptable strip clubs are. It was more go-go and more mysterious when she started. Danny gets first ever lap dance and shows off her trick. Danny is quite pleased. She did an inverted bridge over him. She was nervous doing the trick because she has a crush on Danny. Everyone can die as long as Danny and Shaya are the only ones living.
To see all the Taya Parker photos click on the picture below!
8:58 - The new Rock of Love starts January 4th on VH1 the entire show is on a bus, but she can’t talk about it much. Danny’s known Bret Michaels for a while. He’s smart with his money. She thought he could have been a big jerk, but he was very sweet. He does have real hair, even though you don’t see it on television. There was a deadly traffic accident while filming the show, but it wasn’t one of the girls. The producers took away cell phones, computers, iPods and any connection to the outside world and it makes it easier to keep costs low and raise the level of drama.
9:06 – Taya has a crush on Danny, is he as old as her father? Her obsessive word of the week is ‘Über”.
9:16 – News with Shila:
A woman so horribly disfigured she was willing to risk her life to do something about it has undergone the nation's first near-total face transplant, the Cleveland Clinic announced Tuesday. Reconstructive surgeon Dr. Maria Siemionow and a team of other specialists replaced 80 percent of the woman's face with that of a female cadaver a couple of weeks ago in a bold and controversial operation certain to stoke the debate over the ethics of such surgery. These surgeries aren’t for purely cosmetic reasons; some of these recipients have some hardcore issues.
The mother of a 37-year-old Tampa man is so desperate to find him a wife that she paid $500 to put an ad in The Tampa Tribune. Claudia, who didn't want to give her last name for privacy reasons, says it's sad that such a "good boy" is alone. The ad, which ran Nov. 30, says Jason is gainfully employed, kind and handsome. She's hoping to find at least a few good candidates before Christmas.
Danny checks in with listeners getting lap dances from Taya Parker in the studio next door. There are some happy men, who lie about their names to stay out of trouble with their bosses, wives, or girlfriends.
9:42 – Danny talks to the men that came in to get a dance from Taya at Club Bone-A-Duce. Danny got Taya’s number! What a great morning. The next in studio guest? Jose Canseco on Friday. Maybe Danny can use Taya as a distraction for the fight, unless Amy, his girlfriend, beats her brain in. To keep his wife off his trail Danny would put new girls’ phone numbers in his cell under the names of men. Danny told Amy all his tricks and she went through his phone to find a few of Danny’s old standby’s.
9:54 – Danny’s Final Thought: Listen, when you have a Penthouse Pet of the Year…(Danny get smacked by his girlfriend) Amy’s Final Thought: If you boyfriend’s a dick, don’t let him have a radio show!
Tuesday December 16th, 2008
6:02 - Shila doesn’t like Tuesdays because the bars are less crowded, thus less fun. The days of the week according to Shila:
Monday sucks because the weekend is over.
Tuesday is like a smart Monday. Universal sucking day.
Wednesday and Thursday are the warm up for Friday.
Friday is Friday.
6:07 - Danny took a trip to Mike’s Harley Davidson to pick up his renovated bike, but couldn’t ride it back because he didn’t have his riding gear. While at the store a girl made a big deal about and called Danny her hero because of his David Bowie belt buckle. Feeling good, Danny gave the girl his belt buckle. In ’79 Danny saw Blondie open for Bowie and Iggy Pop. The nice people at Mike’s gave him a HD belt buckle so his pants didn’t fall down. Feeling good about life, Danny told his girlfriend, Amy, about being generous tale of giving the belt buckle to a 23 year-old girl when Amy let him know that the Bowie belt buckle was a custom made gift from her.
6:13 - Seeing homeless people on his way to work reminds him how far his life has come from when he hit rock bottom. Food in homeless shelters isn’t so bad. Shila doesn’t understand why anyone that was homeless wouldn’t want to stay at a shelter. Safety and freedom are the reason Danny cites. If he was homeless now he’d be in a shelter if it was 72 and sunny, or if there was a code blue because of the cold, or even on a Tuesday.
6:21 – A caller that was a teen runaway spent some time in Center City shelter. You have to keep your eye on your valuables, no matter how small they are.
6:34 – We’ve got an update on Shila’s friend Courtney, whose rack might or might not be real. One night while with the show for ‘Hey, Where We Drinking?’ she gave her business card, with her cell number, to a guy who texted her that he was going to give her a gift. Shila thought it was going to be a wine rack, and then she would have two fake racks. He wrote her on a Friday that he was sending her a gift to her office. Shila thought it was creepy; Danny thought it was noble depending on the gift. The package finally arrived a week later. The gift? A day planner from his work and a picnic basket/wine carrier. Shila was NOT impressed. Shila thinks that he heard the show talking about him last weekend and recalled the gift that he sent Friday and replaced it with the day planner and wine rack. Danny thinks that he didn’t send it, though getting a package back from the post office is not easy. Danny’s idea for the day planner? To put in a date that they would be a reason to use the picnic basket/wine carrier. There was no date. His loss.
6:55 – Jose Canseco is coming in the studio before their press conference on Friday. Mr. Bonaduce has a history of physical altercations at his press conferences for fights. Anything could happen in the studio Friday, even a bromance. After his last fight Canseco has a lot to prove, so Danny has to bring his best stuff in the ring.
7:12 – News with Shila:
Thousands of Iraqis on Monday demanded the release of Muntazer al-Zaydi, the journalist who threw his shoes at US President George W. Bush. The protests took place in the Shia Baghdad neighbourhood of Sadr City and the demonstrators marched towards the headquarters of the Iraqi press syndicate, in al-Waziriya, said Iraqi news agency Voices of Iraq. George W. Bush’s stock is going up in Danny’s book. Could Danny dodge Metro’s shoes? YES! Danny wasn’t so lucky when Metro threw a pair of Converse when Danny wasn’t looking.
Wilbur Eichman has been charged with one count of criminal solicitation after he paid a man cash to beat up his ex-son-in-law. Police say Eichman paid 34-year-old Charles Pernot $1,200 to beat up the victim and even offered up a bonus if Pernot cut off the victim's genitals. "He offered or suggested he use a high power rifle and he said that if you castrate him, there will be a bonus in that for you, an additional $3,000," Corporal Trinidad Navarro said. Investigators said Eichman even wanted his ex-son-in-law's genitals brought to him. What kind of crazy man do you have to be to have your hitman turn you in?
Philadelphia Police area searching for the heartless thief who stole a baby Jesus statue from a Nativity scene display on Independence Mall over the weekend. The small statue was believed to be taken from the scene on the corner of 5th and Market Streets late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. Replacement, but he can’t make wine, but he can make grape juice.
Philadelphia firefighters marched on City Hall Monday protesting Mayor Michael Nutter's plan to cut 10 percent from the fire department. Firefighters say the service cuts are dangerous and will risk the public safety of residents and claim the decision was made without an independent scientific impact study. Police, Firefighters, Public Safety, public works, it’s never easy to make cuts. There was a mock coffin at the front of the protest yesterday, maybe THEY stole baby Jesus!
Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend's face during an argument about auto insurance. President Bush could have ducked the hoagie.
7:39 – Danny Bonaduce: Life Coach!
First up an average looking 35 year-old widow, who has a great rack, loves sports and is ‘open minded’. She wants a Flyers loving friend with benefits.
Danny’s Advice: Hockey games are the best place to meet men because they go in bunches. Picking a girl out of a bunch is always difficult because of the ‘friend that cares.’ Her rack and her ‘open mind’ are benefits that she needs to focus on. She’s an excellent deal, she just needs to let men know. As for being a widow, it’s because her husband is dead.
Scott’s wife of seven years has kicked him out of the house, they’ve been separated for a few months, and now she’s dating another guy. He moved out willingly? Well, he was ordered out of the house by the court. He thinks that she convinced a judge he’s crazy.
Danny’s Advice: Move on, he could be crazy, but he failed to convince a judge he was sane. That’s key.
Matt‘s girlfriend broken up with him because he’s doing anabolic steroids and lied to his girlfriend about it. He put on about 20 pounds of muscle in a few months, pretty obvious. His good friend went behind his back and told her, why? The friend wants to get in her pants.
Danny’s Advice: Every man lies and women are willing to forgive a few for the most part. This girl wanted out of the relationship and ‘roids was her out. She was over him a long time ago and he’s got no options if he wants her back.
7:52 – Norm is confused. He and his girlfriend were going to have a baby, but had an abortion because they thought they couldn’t afford it. Since then they’re been fighting non-stop and he regrets the decision.
Danny’s Advice: You can’t look back with regret; regardless of the magnitude you have to learn from the mistakes you make. Just because you’ve lived with a traumatic event with someone doesn’t mean you have to stay with them. Distance yourself and don’t feel bound to her.
8:06 – Entertainment News:
The typically reclusive Axl Rose — who is the only remaining original member of GN'R — has done little to no promotion for his band's 13-years-in-the-making Chinese Democracy album, but over the past few days, he's been a staple on the message boards of several GN'R forums. On Sunday, he penned a 4,300-word open letter to fans in which he tried to clear up many of what he called the misconceptions and outright lies about his band and the album, which, despite the hype, has been quickly sliding down the charts after a worse-than-expected opening bow. Danny understands that Guns n’ Roses without Slash is like The Monkees without Mike Nesmith.
The might mighty Metallica will be providing the latest riff on Guitar Hero, with a game based on their music expected in stores during the first half of 2009 for Xbox 360, Wii, PlayStation 3 and PS2. No price or rating has been set, but past GH games have sold for $40 to $50 and have been rated T for ages 13-up. Maybe you can shred at the Million Decibel March!
The daughter of Hollywood legend Peter Falk says her father is no longer competent to run his own life because he suffers from Alzheimer's disease and dementia. Life imitates art. Columbo WAS famous for forgetting things.
The one-time star of the film "A Bronx Tale," now on trial for the murder of a city cop, on Monday took the stand in his own defense. What did Danny learn from A Bronx Tale? The open door test.! Another test, if girls don’t look at the waitress, because they’re too good to deal with the help.
8:30 – What are the women ordering on the menu? Most expensive, most inexpensive? The right girl for you orders somewhere in the middle of the menu. Metro has used women for food. Shila’s on the watch out for cheap men. Danny has a few and he’s fallen for tests too. One caller waits to see if a girl offers to pay or at least handle the waiter’s tip.
On Danny’s first date with his girlfriend Amy, she came back from the bathroom to ask Danny if he wanted to go Dutch, but the waitress told her ‘that’s okay honey, your dad took care of it.’ That made the rest of the night quite awkward. He was single all of 6 minutes before meeting Amy. She was offended when he offered to pay some of her electricity bill because the air conditioner was too expensive to run at her apartment, even though he was sweating buckets.
8:51 – Danny got the nickname ‘Boom Boom’ from Ray Mancini, who killed a family. He fought Duk Koo Kim after 14 rounds of punches following their boxing match in 1982. Feeling bad Mancini called Kim’s mother in Korea to apologize. She took it real hard and killed herself.
During a celebrity boxing match Danny allowed Mancini to hit him, but said ‘Hit me hard, but don’t kill me,’ which pushed the wrong button and Danny was met with a barrage of punches that turned his head gear around and knocked the wind out of him. After escaping under the ring they went to commercial. After taking some of Mancini’s hits, Ray gave Danny his nickname.
9:06 – News with Shila:
A routine traffic stop ended with a Pennsylvania State Trooper and a Tinicum Township officer being dragged on I-95 Monday afternoon. The incident played out near Widener University on Interstate 95 in Tinicum Township, Delaware County.
A federal judge in Los Angeles Monday sentenced former celebrity private detective Anthony Pellicano to 15 years in prison. He was involved in a water tapping? Oh, WIRE tapping scheme. Why would anyone wire tap Kevin Nealon? Danny’s used private investigators before. If someone is harassing you for a low cost you can get background info on them and maybe get them to back off.
9:21 – Shila was at the gym over the weekend and was appalled to see men hitting on women at the gym. Danny’s health club in Chicago had two bars in it! Shila watched this guy eye up a girl on the treadmill and work out behind her so he can watch her ass. Then when she gets off he immediately runs up to her, mid workout, to bombard her with questions she wasn’t interested in answering. Danny’s experiences lead him to believe that many women go to a gym and select certain pieces of equipment to be seen on.
9:29 – Danny dislikes the gym bunnies that spend their work out on their cell phone. Unless you’re talking about awesome lesbian sex, hang up the phone. Shila is offended that men hit on women at the gym. Unless there’s an invitation Danny doesn’t take a chance at rejection. Other gym rules include bringing your own towels if your gym doesn’t provide them.
9:29 – Danny dislikes the gym bunnies that spend their work out on their cell phone. Unless you’re talking about awesome lesbian sex, hang up the phone. Shila is offended that men hit on women at the gym. Unless there’s an invitation Danny doesn’t take a chance at rejection. Other gym rules include bringing your own towels if your gym doesn’t provide them.
9:40 – Danny has a treadmill with an ash tray on it. An hour without a cigarette is outlandish. Spike hits on girls, sings out loud, and sweats all over the equipment at the gym. He walked up to a girl using a weight machine and asked her out. She replied with ‘I have a boyfriend, but next time you could say ‘hi’ to me.’
9:46 – Spike got a tattoo of a cat because of a girl. Danny has women’s name tattooed all over his body. He doesn’t know who some of them are. Danny disliked people who offer help without being invited. Danny once offered to help a girl throw a hook during a kickboxing class and was told that no one was learning to fight; it’s a fat burning class. Once Danny was changing in the men’s locker room and took off his pants only to find he was wearing his girlfriend’s red lace panties.
9:57 – Danny’s Final Thought: Remember this:If you go to hit on a girl at the gym and she shoots you down; man up! If you offer unsolicited help, you get rejected and you feel like an idiot; man up!If you ever wear red lace panties into the locker room, remember, blame your girlfriend!
Monday December 15th, 2008
6:01 – Great way to wake Danny up on a Monday morning? Hit the cobblestone streets at 60 mph at 5:30 am. Danny worked 17 jobs in the past week. Some of the gigs he took without being fully informed when agreeing to take the work. Danny loves money. He agreed to a work a few comedy show with Bob Levy and got to meet Beetlejuice. Danny wasn’t impressed with the way Beet handles himself. Gibbons loves Beetlejuice, Danny doesn’t understand how people can line up to watch someone die slowly. The stage show was out of control, the backstage show was more ridiculous.
6:28 – Taya Parker, Penthouse Pet of the Year, is coming in Wednesday. Danny thinks that Twitchels, the comedian with Tourettes isn’t funny; it’s just a guy holding back sneezes. If Danny beats Canseco he wants to make a grand gesture. Boxing glove tattoos are too grand because Danny’s not a real boxer. Branding, now there’s something Danny could get behind! Something he doesn’t like? New cars without cigarette lighters and new cars without ash trays. Those are the reasons behind the rise in forest fires and car accidents. Danny’s burned himself on fire when passing out with lit cigarettes in his hand. Seat cushion in car are extremely burnable too. Shila knows a guy who fell asleep with a lit cigarette who ended up burning a girl’s forehead. Danny’s not so interested in getting branded anymore.
6:48 – Is Danny getting old or is television awful. Danny saw an episode of ‘Made’ on MTV while his girlfriend was watching television over the weekend. Shila loves the show. His girlfriend is very smart, but watches a lot of junk on TV. The Hills, The City with Whitney, Brody’s Bromance; all shows that kill Danny. Shila is well versed in The Hills, Metro too. Shila doesn’t like that Lauren Conrad, from Laguna Beach, is making so much money on a bad show. Shila tries to explain LC, Heidi, Spender, Audrina, Brody….Danny’s lost. Danny’s seen his house, correction, his ex-wife’s house on The Hills, but still has no idea or interest in what’s going on with the show.
7:06 – News with Shila: A man identified as an Iraqi journalist threw shoes at -- but missed -- President Bush during a news conference Sunday evening in Baghdad, where Bush was making a farewell visit.
Christian Squillaciotti is due in court Monday morning; the former Marine was arrested in connection with a road rage shooting on I-76 that left a driver critically injured in October.
A state Senate committee will discuss legislation today that would make New Jersey the 14th state to legalize marijuana for medical purposes. Danny tried some pot after seven years of probation; it was too strong for him, so he leaves it alone.
7:27 – DICTATION TRANSLATION! Danny has dictation software on his computer and finds it easier to talk to his computer than type all the words out and it’s trained to his voice. What happens when his girlfriend Amy read common phrases into the computer?
* Earth and a sweater pocket a tether – Birds of a feather flock together
* The pot cost a count block – The pot calling the kettle black
* Don’t mount your short game before they are hats – Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.
* The bastardize administrative let’s get tents – The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
In the middle of the game a woman calls in and remembers sitting on a plane that Danny was smoking on in 1994. She was 14, but Danny was well behaved.
7:42 - From Whoresmopolitan: 4 Sex surprises every guy likes!
1 – Guys are just delighted to have sex.
Delighted is just not the right word. It’s not manly enough. If you’re delighted you don’t want it enough. Get frisky without getting freshened up. Men don’t want to wait. Shila likes to fell fresh, Metro thinks that if you do it right you’re going to get sweaty anyway. Metro debuts a few new songs about Shila. Danny thinks that sex should be nasty occasionally, but sex is extremely personal and understands that a girl will want to take a shower, but make it quick.
2 – Be his steamy alarm clock.
Shila is a big fan of waking her boyfriend up with a ‘special’ kiss. Metro would like it, but has never had the chance. Danny wants to go to the bathroom before it happens.
3 – Keep some clothes on.
Shila isn’t comfortable being naked. Apparently Shila doesn’t like to groom, at all. Danny’s girlfriend likes to take her time getting the clothes off, but Danny’s always in a rush for nudity.
4 – Keep the lights on.
Danny agreed, until he learned that Shila doesn’t shave.
8:08 – Entertainment News:
Hugh Jackman was announced Friday as the host of the 81st Academy Awards, a marked departure from the academy's standard of big-name comedians.
Tara Reid has check into Promises Treatment Center. She’s still alive? That place isn’t cheap. Danny was there with a big name movie star but can’t divulge his name because that would break the rehab circle of trust.
Van Halen's legendary M&M's Rider from 1982 has been posted on TheSmokingGun.com. Why did they want all the brown M&M’s removed? To make sure that the concert promoters were reading the riders and they were being taken care of.
Sharon Osbourne is under police investigation after allegedly scuffling with a contestant on her reality TV show ROCK OF LOVE: CHARM SCHOOL. Sharon was defending the honor of her husband when all hell broke loose.
Danny doesn’t think it’s fair for women to think it’s okay to punch guys knowing that the guy can’t hit them back. Shila’s fine with it, but there should be a limit to the damage. Rather than hit women, Danny would prefer to go in their closet and shred their clothes. When Amy hits him in his brainstem, it’s with his permission.
What’s the limit that allows a woman to hit a man? The C word. Danny was called in front of the District Attorney for verbal assault against a caller that was harassing a coworker. One woman caller, who had her nose broken three times by one man, thinks that women shouldn’t have carte blanche to hit men without consequences. She’s good friends with the guy now. They were both big drinkers. What dictates verbals assault? Descriptive acts of violence. Morally Danny would defend Shila if she slapped a man for making a racist comment, but legally wouldn’t. Danny would love to hit more people for the right reasons, but it leads to lawsuits. He didn’t lay a finger when knocking out Johnny Fairlplay’s tooth and still got taken to court.
8:38 – Danny takes calls on verbal assault, men and women. One caller points out that legally women cannot punch men in Pennsylvania. Both sexes are equal in the eyes of the law. One guy from Havertown is willing to give the woman one free hit, and then it’s allowable for the man to hold the woman back. Danny’s first wife was clinically insane and called the cops on Danny for beating her when he wasn’t home. He and the police pulled up at the same time and when Danny was told what was going on he asked ‘Am I winning?’ The cops didn’t find that amusing. They all walked in to find his wife hitting herself in the head and screaming. Danny was winning. One caller’s rules for violence? Don’t leave a mark. If you say something to Shila that she doesn’t like she’s hitting you. If you say something that she REALLY doesn’t like then she’s taking you on a car ride. A woman calls in to say it’s okay to hit a man if he’s beating on a woman, everyone agrees.
8:57 – Got a problem and need some advice? Ask Danny Bonaduce: Life Coach! Coming tomorrow to the Danny Bonaduce Show!
9:07 – News with Shila:
800,000 New England people without electricity. Shila’s got a pelted region! Danny has clippers, but doesn’t want them to break while trimming Shila. She probably needs something that needs a pull-start and has a throttle.
Philadelphia police are investigating a massage parlor sexual assault involving one of their own. Three months ago, an officer was one of three men in a massage parlor waiting room when a woman inside claimed she was sexually assaulted. Then late Thursday or early Friday, that same officer went to a different massage parlor on the 300 block on north 13th Street in Chinatown. The officer, off-duty at the time, showed a woman in the establishment his badge and handcuffs before demanding sexual acts.
Robert "Bob" Crowley became the oldest winner in Survivor history last night when he was revealed to be the winner of Survivor: Gabon during the finale of the long-running CBS reality series' seventeenth edition. Danny would sign up for Survivor if it really was every man for himself with no immunity games. It would be like ‘Lord of the Flies‘ and Bonaduce would be king!
9:20 – Friday Jose Canseco is coming in the studio to hype up his fight with Danny. Anything could happen. Danny’s not really looking forward to meeting him. If Canseco’s a nice guy it’ll make it tough to get in the mindset to fight. Danny hated Levy when they were going to fight.
9:39 – Jose Canseco was sick when he fought Vai Sikahema. Not good for Danny. Maybe Danny can put all his cash on Canseco and win some cash along with a pounding in a ring. The strategy is to work inside and use is big right hand on Canseco, but there’s a huge height advantage for Canseco. Shila thinks it will be a good experience for Danny to get his ass kicked. Levy had a good strategy when taking Bonaduce on, but didn’t last one round in the ring with Danny.
9:54 - Danny's Final Thought: Well, President Bush and Shila’s took a huge beating on today’s show. One Bush was fast enough to get out of the way of some flying shoes; the other was fast enough to get out of the way of any kind of grooming equipment for the last three years.
Friday December 12th, 2008
6:01 – Today was the first day that Shila greeted Danny with a ‘Hi, hon.’ Metro and Danny have been saying that to each other for over a month. Why does Danny love his motorcycle today? He was able to navigate his way out of the parking garage easily and smoke a few cigarettes before walking into the studio today. Shila’s morning rituals: Cigarette, coffee, shower, 15 minutes of TV on her couch, say a few prayers to Ganesh, a Hindu god, and throw rose petals. She’s only been doing it for five months. Shila does a quick Sanskrit prayer for Danny. Metro doesn’t have odd rituals. Danny wakes up and burns through five cigarettes before getting out of bed. One of Danny’s many rituals is untangling the Johnny Fairplay tooth necklace.
6:11 – Danny was able to quit smoking for the Levy fight. Danny worked with a big time trainer for that fight and demolished Levy 52 seconds into the fight.
6:13 – Danny has been practicing his Indian accent for a segment on The Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest. He sounds more like a Jamaican. Why is every guy that works for Dell support from New Deli named Steve?
6:32 – After yesterday’s show Danny tried to put together a show without sex, but it’s not possible. Yesterday porn star Sunset Thomas was in the studio and the subject of a threesome with Danny and his girlfriend Amy was brought up. A threesome would be cutting back for Sunset, she’s into group activities. At the end of yesterday’s show Sunset took her shirt off and took a photo, that we can’t post here, with Danny’s hands on her goods. Last night Danny and Amy watched one of Sunset’s movies and had a good time, but Danny got to thinking that if a threesome didn’t go well it would have a negative effect on the relationship. He’d rather keep his relationship with Amy strong instead of jeopardize it. Maybe he could swap a whore in for Amy so he can have his threesome without turning Amy into ‘the girlfriend who had a threesome’ because Danny would have to run his mouth about the experience. Whores are the answer to everything. To quote a great toast by Homer Simpson ‘To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.’
6:50 – It’s time to play ‘Who Wrote What?’Danny reads three lines; one of them is NOT from Danny’s book ‘Random Acts of Badness.’ If the caller guesses the right one they get to go see Danny at the Killers of Comedy show this weekend in Vorhees, NJ.
Round 1
1. The cop walks up and says ‘What’s going on here Mr. Partridge?!? I knew then, even if was innocent, I was going to jail.
2. My radio career basically starts off like so many of my stories, with me in jail.
3. By my second or third sip, my mouth was so numb that the elixir poured out the sided of my mouth and into my lap.
Which one wasn’t in ‘Random Acts of Badness’? Number 1!
Danny would have constant nose bloods because of all the cocaine he did. Danny put his cocaine in an expensive Brandy and ended up pouring drinks down his shirt.
7:31 – Forgiveness Friday! Brother Bonaduce is going to absolve some sins today!
First up Mark who’s been married for a while and wants a strange piece of ass. If Adam gave Eve a bone Mark can give one to a new girl too. The next guy is a strip club DJ from Nazareth and works in Bethlehem and his wife doesn’t know about it. She plays the organ at church! Why hurt her feelings while you’re just providing for your family. Kelly dropped an F-bomb at a religious bookstore and complained about the lack of parking. There are worse words to say and fornicate is in the Bible. She was just doing something to help someone’s life; she’s doing the work of the Lord. Jim got his boss’s wife kind of pregnant. Imagine the talk that Mary had with Joseph when she was pregnant with Jesus. Pam was seeing an older man who was good in bed. She then did it with his two sons. She can now settle the argument as to who is best in bed!
7:49 – Shila is the hottest girl Danny has never wanted to sleep with. Why? She’s a nut job. Funny story, she went to high school with the girl that lives across the hall from her now. That’s a funny story? Shila and her girlfriends went to Charlie’s Pub and got some attention from guys in the pub and they decided that it was fun to pretend to be single. Some guy that she meets while smoking a cigarette strikes up a conversation. He says he’s an art gallery owner from Miami. Right. He invites Shila to play a game of pool and tries to get her number when she drops that she has a boyfriend. Then later in the night the guy gives his number to Shila’s friend. How smooth!
7:55 – Shila wasn’t comfortable with Danny at first because he was an older man. Older man!? What makes him an older man? A waaaaay older man. Now suddenly Danny is not just old to her, he’s unattractive too. Last Easter Shila saw an ad for an Easter Egg hunt for old people. Not that funny. What is? Catheter hunt!
8:08 – Danny takes a call from a girl who is a recovering addict and has a problem drinking and not using drugs. As much as Danny loved Vicodin you’ve got to know your limitations. Another caller wants to have sex with Shila. He’s 12 inches! Why would she sleep with someone that isn’t as tall as Shila. Another caller defends on Shila about her Easter Egg story. He thinks it would be funny that the old people would hide the eggs, forget where they hid them, and then try to find them.
8:12 – Entertainment News: The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday. The category with the most buzz: Best Supporting Actor
Tom Cruise (Tropic Thunder)
Robert Downey Jr (Tropic Thunder)
Ralph Fiennes (The Duchess)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt)
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Danny thinks that if Heath Ledger wins the Oscar it’s because he died, not just because of his acting in ‘The Dark Knight.’ Superhero movies never win awards for anything other than special effects. Bettie Page, the bombshell pin-up queen who both titillated and outraged Americans in the 1950s during her career as a model and actress, has died, her agent said. She was 85. She would avoid photographs later in life because she wanted to be remembered as the hot pinup girl. Stevie Wonder on Dancing With The Stars? He's has been approached by producers of the hit US TV talent show to become the first ever legally blind contestant on the series. He said: "It'd be fun. It's not impossible, but right now it's just a thought."
8:34 – Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya Parker is coming on the show soon. Danny would take an eye out for a night with her. She wants to give lap dances to fellas in the audience! Stay tuned for details.
8:40 – Once when skiing Danny went to jump a mogul, only there was no mogul, it was a shadow. Broken collar bone. While waiting for the Snow Cat to rescue him it ran him over and broke his shin. Ouch. While showering with his girlfriend Metro was hip checked by his girlfriend, fell, and bruised his tailbone on the tub. Once Danny was having trouble getting it up for a girl and threw himself face first into a glass coffee table so he wouldn’t have to tell her that he had stage fright. A 52 year-old woman is suing Victoria’s Secret because she was injured by a decorative metal piece on one of their thongs. What’s she doing wearing a thong at 52? Shila doesn’t like thongs; it feels like a day-long wedgie.
9:00 – KB Toys Inc, one of the largest U.S. toy retailers, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection on Thursday, with a plan to close all its stores and begin liquidation sales in the middle of the holiday season. A University of Pennsylvania student from Delaware county has died from injuries suffered in a fall from a dormitory over the weekend. College officials say Ryan Smith died Thursday. He had fallen from the fifth floor of the Fisher Hassenfeld College House at about 10:30 a.m. Saturday. If Danny was in college he would badger his roommate to suicide so that he could get straight A's for the semester, just like the movie Dead Man on Campus.
9:13 – What lies work to get girls in bed? Metro’s standby is that he works for a non-profit group that builds playgrounds for kids in bad neighborhoods. Another was that he was a quarterback for the visiting football team. It worked though. Danny’s friend used to have a business card machine in his car and would run out to print up the perfect card for whatever the girl was in to. Shila did have a one night stand once, the guy was forceful and she liked it. One caller says he’s a movie producer and scouting out locations. Chicks fall for it. Another great lie? ‘I love you.’ Shila fell for that once. Danny takes a call from Joyce, the bisexual, and very pierced girl, who’s been asking for a threesome with Danny and his girlfriend Amy since his first week in town.
9:32 – Danny takes a call from John who goes to ATM trash cans and look for the biggest balance receipt and puts it in his wallet. Then when talking to a girl and giving her his number he writes the number on the back of the ATM receipt. GENIUS!!! Another guy took a runaway girl to an abandoned building for the night and then snuck out, pushed his car down the block so it didn’t wake her up and left her there alone. Danny’s digging this guy. Danny’s never lied about loving a girl. Danny can fall in love with a girl on their first date and expresses that he needs them in his life immediately. He told his current girlfriend within the first 10 minutes of meeting her. Danny was crying in his coffee when he met Amy and thought to himself ‘I wonder if these tears will work for me.’ They bonded over an Abraham Lincoln quote.
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
- Abraham Lincoln
9:46 – The Pink Floyd song ‘Comfortably Numb’ sent a message to Danny and helped him through a tough time in his life. Once when he had a chance to tell Roger Waters what the song meant to him and what it did to change his life. Roger responded that it was just about a trip to the dentist to get a root canal. He got shot with Novocain and the dental assistant told him to let her know when he was comfortably numb. Deflated, Danny smoked a big rock that night.
9:54 – Danny’s Final Thought: You know when you’re not feeling your best and you think that you life didn’t work out the way you thought it should have. There is a solution. It’s in the trash receptacle at the ATM machine. Find one with a big balance and someone else’s life is there for the taking!
Thursday December 11th, 2008
6:02 – Danny wants his Harley back. Parking cars in Philadelphia is too much work. Danny’s routine is off without his bike. Danny enjoys a cigarette while riding his bike, but since his bike has been in the shop he’s been riding his girlfriend Amy’s scooter. Danny, usually not the biggest fan of sports, has found it easy to get into the Eagles since moving back to Philadelphia. What used to be boring takes on a new twist when thinking about the similarities to the Roman Coliseum, though the Eagles don’t play the same kind of lions that the Romans used.
6:07 – Yesterday Marc Summers, host of Double Dare, declared Danny and Shila the winners of ‘Egg Smash.’ The first team to smash 5 eggs was declared the winner. After reviewing the videotape multiple times Metro disputes the validity of the win. Danny claimed victory after egg number 4, not egg number 5. Was metro’s hero, Marc Summer, lying? Maybe he was caught up in the hysteria. Metro replays the audio tape. Shila’s not buying it. She wants to review the video and decide for herself. There’s a cheater in the room??? Who is it? SHILA! Metro thinks that she didn’t follow the rules and Danny was an accessory to rule breaking. Danny does know how to accessorize; he’s got more jewelry than Sansom St. Who's lying and who's telling the truth? Watc the video and decice for yourself
6:34 –Danny would like to have a threesome with his girlfriend, Amy, and a ‘guest star.’ Danny has shared a girl with his friend with the rule that there’s no male on male touching, accidental or on purpose. Two cougars picked up Danny and a friend and they partied for a night. One tuckered out and so Danny and his friend shared a woman twice their age. Danny thinks that Amy is open to welcoming someone into their room for a night. The rules for having a threesome according to Askmen.com:
Threesome rule no. 1
Establish the rules - Kissing and actual sex is off limits if Danny gets Amy to bring another girl home for the night. You're going to have sex with two women and all three of you have your own rules and limits, so understanding and respecting one another's comfort levels should be a top priority when you're establishing your threesome rules.
Threesome rule no. 2
Be as giving as you can - Although you may be hoping that the two women will give you 100% of their attention, the truth is that they're there to please each other just as much as they're there to please you. You may end up feeling ignored and should do your best to get over it.
Threesome rule no. 3
Keep yourself busy - At some time the girls will pair up, so figure out something to do to get involved without crossing the established boundaries. Take matters into your own hands and find something to do.
Threesome rule no. 4
Be careful with going too far - If you kiss the 'guest star' the same way you kiss your girlfriend, she might not take it well. If Danny kissed the second girl on the neck Amy would surely flip out. Full on sex automatically forms a serious bond between you and one woman, leaving the other out. For this reason, penetrate only when you're sure both women are comfortable with it.
6:53 - Threesome rule no. 5
Be safe; use a different condom for different girls. Danny doesn’t need that because he only wants to go all the way with one girl.
Askmen.com also says that afterward; lie around with both women in bliss. However, remember it's not a relationship. This means that the third person likely shouldn't sleep over. It may seem like a great idea in the moment, but prolonging a threesome is a recipe for total disaster.
Danny disagrees, why you would want to kick out someone that you brought in to your home, is beyond him. If your take your relationship seriously why treat the new girl like a tramp? Shila disagrees and would want the other girl out quickly.
7:08 – News with Shila: A $14 billion rescue package for the imperiled U.S. auto industry sped to approval in the House of Representatives on Wednesday night, but the emergency bailout was still in jeopardy from Republicans who were setting out roadblocks in the Senate. What does a bathroom smell like after someone passes $14 billion? Pennsylvania State Police have arrested a man after a yearlong fraud and conspiracy investigation. Mark Green, who has been held by the Secret Service on related federal charges, was arrested and arraigned in Harrisburg, Dauphin County on state charges including forgery, identity theft, impersonating a notary and conspiracy. Sgt. Chauncey Ellison was trying to stand up to the young men he believed had assaulted and punched his 14-year-old son and robbed him of a pizza. What happened on this dark one-way street in West Oak Lane that Nov. 17 night is subject to debate.This much is clear. Ellison, who was off duty, fired his police-issued Glock at Lawrence Allen, 20, who lives on the block, striking him once in the back. Danny thinks he’s going to go to jail because he was shot in the back, there's no self defense when someone is running away. An actor narrowly escaped death after slashing his throat on stage with a real knife, instead of a blunt stage-prop blade. Danny thinks the guy was in on it. He knows how far people will go to get publicity; he was willing to get bitten by a rattlesnake to get another season of ‘The Other Half.’
7:30 – Jake Kalish, author of the book Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights, is on the line. The first fight of the day? Muhammad Ali versus Bruce Lee. To establish some ground rules the fight will take place in a boxing ring, with no boxing gloves. As much as he loves Bruce Lee, Danny thinks that the fight would go to Ali simply because of size and weight. Metro and Shila question if Lee’s speed would help him avoid take an Ali punch full on. Metro and Shila dispute that if Lee could use his legs he would have a distinct advantage over Ali. Danny doesn’t think that the kick would carry as much power as an Ali punch. Shila kicks Danny to prove her point. Danny doesn’t budge. Ali is a trained fighter, not an action movie hero.
7:50 – Who’s better with nunchucks than Bruce Lee? Danny Bonaduce is! Listeners call in to discuss the fight. Danny equates this to Danny versus Sting in a bass playing competition. Danny finished ahead of Sting in a Playboy poll, and he can’t play the thing. One caller brings up the Dim Mak, a punch that can cause a delayed death in an opponent. Danny doesn’t think it exists. To prove a point Danny wants Metro to smash a wood board over his hard, the key to doing it? Don’t take it easy. Danny’s head broke the board!!! Danny shows off the one-inch punch. It hurts Metro’s fingers; it doesn’t hurt Danny as much to hit the board as it does for Metro to hold the board.
8:04 – According to Jake most of the experts sided with Ali because of height and weight. What have we learned today? Danny will do anything to win an argument.
8:16 - Entertainment News: The parents of a 17-year-old boy who was killed in former Prison Break actor Lane Garrison's 2006 DUI crash have sued him for wrongful death and gross negligence Who in this day in age can think that buying alcohol for anyone underage is a good idea? A glittery white glove worn by Michael Jackson in the video for Billie Jean and the gates to his fantasy-themed Neverland Ranch are among over 2,000 of the singer's possessionsset to be sold at auction next spring. This is what happened when you live like a fool and getting sued non-stop. R&B star Bobby Brown thought he was Al Pacino's Tony Montana from Scarface. He says, "I had a desk like Scarface's in my room, and I kept [cocaine] piled up on it. Every time I walked past my desk, I'd make a line of coke from one end to the other. I'd take a straw and snort a line the same way Scarface did it in the movie. You couldn't tell me nothing. I felt like I was Tony Montana! The world was mine!"
8:30 – Porn star Sunset Thomas is in the studio with Chris who won a chance to be in a movie, her last, with her. Ron Jeremy is in her new movie, but she filmed her scene with him at an angle that she didn’t have to look at him. Sunset is open to doing a threesome with Danny and his girlfriend Amy. This is Chris’s fantasy come true. Chris is getting lots of attention at work for doing the film. Sunset is moving on from being in front of the camera to producing adult films. Sunset will be dancing at Scarlet’s in Allentown this weekend. Sunset really likes doing lap dances, without underwear.
8:37 – Danny’s girlfriend Amy is on the phone, Sunset offers to be a ‘guest star’ with them. Amy will consider the offer; Danny ups the ante with an offer to buy her a Mustang if she says yes. Shila asks Sunset about her work at brothels. Will she retire from prostitution? Not yet, she loves being with her fans.
8:45 – Sunset’s final scene is with Chris. Ron Jeremy was his coach! Ron Jeremy makes hot sauce! Chris’s girlfriend is on the phone, she’s cool with it. She hasn’t seen Chris’s performance on the movie and looks forward to “Into the Sunset” February 10th when it comes out. Chris admits that one of his costars, Marcos Banderas, is an attractive man. Chris did a little working out to get ready for the film. Chris did have a little performance anxiety even though he was in a room with 20 guys and a director talking to him. It got a little tough to concentrate and his ‘enthusiasm’ wavered.
8:54 – Sunset also writes for RingsideReport.com. Sunset showers Danny with presents, Danny’s so distracted he almost gives the time at 8:75 instead of 8:57. See her this weekend at Scarlet's Grand International in Allentown, (610) 798-7000.
9:09 – News with Shila: Google has released its 2008 End-of-Year Zeitgeist, noting what was hot worldwide in Internet searches for the year. Obama, Sarah Palin and American Idol are at the top of the list. Montgomery County officials want parents to know about a meningitis case at a school in the North Penn school district. Officials say a fourth grader at Knapp Elementary School is being treated for bacterial meningitis, which is serious and can be fatal. A new report says the number of people executed in the United States this year will be the lowest since 1994. We’re not trying hard enough! Danny thinks that the bar for death row should be streamlined. Danny’s answer? The witness chair in the courtroom should also be the electric chair. SKY TV will broadcast a British television first tonight -- an American man committing suicide. Sky plans to air documentary showing assisted suicide of a terminally ill man. Craig Ewert, who had been living for many years in Yorkshire, North England, ended his life in 2006 in an assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland, rather than live with motor neuron disease that had left him paralyzed. He also invited Canadian filmmakers to capture his final moments, which will be broadcast this evening. The New York Times television critic thought ‘Breaking Bonaduce’ was so awful that it was worse than watching televised suicide.
9:32 – John Brazer, Director of Fun and Games for the Phillies is in the studio. John explains that he got the gig by impressing the future boss at a wedding with a Joe Cocker impression. Maybe he’ll be promoted to Vice President of Shenanigans. John’s not going to have a lot of off time this year with the championship trophy. Danny didn’t want to compete with Phillies Fever when he came back to town. After not having a title since ’80 there’s pressure to repeat now. John’s not worried about the Mets, they’re the team that’s melted down and blew the playoffs two years in a row. Any player on the ’08 team is set for life in this town because they won a title. Danny wants to be a Phillie! YES! Brazer gives Danny a Phillies jersey. Will Danny fight the Phanatic after the Canseco fight?
9:43 – The Phillies have a new DVD, The Perfect Season, narrated by Brad Lidge. Danny offers Brazer a Sunset Thomas DVD in exchange. Which one has more balls? Danny and Brazer each have one eyebrow! Danny waxed his off, Brazer has a unibrow. Be on the look out for Phanta Claus and you can also get your photo with the World Series trophy at the Majestic Clubhouse Store this weekend. Go here for the details.
9:58 - Danny's Final Thought: You know there are certain expressions that will stand the test of time and because they do you will always know them to be true. Some I will never believe to be true, that anybody’s food is better than sex, but I’m looking at Suntime Maurice or whatever her name is and I look over at the video ‘The Perfect Season’ and Brad Lidge, and at least for a moment baseball and winning the World Series is better than sex.
Wednesday December 10th, 2008
6:02 – Danny thinks he’s a Neanderthal. Shila’s known this for a while. Danny’s new phone confused him and his girlfriend Amy saved him. Danny’s got a sweet new ride, a Ford Flex. It has lots of cool complicated buttons for Danny to not use. His phone and car now have conversations as to how inept Danny is with cutting edge technology. On his way home Danny was following the GPS and found a gym to get a heavy bag to train for the Canseco fight. This morning Danny had a difficult time hoisting the heavy bag in his gym by himself. Danny had a damn good work out and came in to see his nemesis Johnny Fairlpay in the news. Danny would love to hoist Fairplay up and practice on him.
6:25 – Danny gives away tickets to see him perform at the Killers of Comedy show this weekend.
6:33 – Danny is blown away by the book ‘How to Talk to Girls’ a book by 9 year-old Alex Greven. What began as a $3 pamphlet handed out at his Colorado elementary school was turned into a 46 page book and is now being optioned for a movie.
On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, and then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."
On having a crush: "Many boys get crushes on girls. But it can be very hard to get a girl to like you. Sometimes it takes years! Whatever happens, just don't act desperate. Girls don't like desperate boys. So what do you do if you have a crush on a girl? You need to get her to like you. You can also show off a skill, like playing soccer or anything else you're good at. If you are in elementary school, try to get a girl to like you, not to love you. Wait until middle school to try to get her to love you. Otherwise, you have to hold on to her for a long time and that would be very hard. Tip: Most boys in elementary school can hold on to a girl for only 30 days."
On gifts: "It is also good to give gifts. They don't have to be big. Try to find out what she likes before you give her something. You should go around to her friends to get ideas. And I wouldn't do flowers and gifts until you are older, like in middle school, because it seems weird in elementary school. Unless you go to a school dance."
6:52 – What makes a lucky man? Danny knows!
A skydiver is in good condition after his parachute got caught on an airplane and he crashed into an avocado grove around 11 a.m. Sunday morning. Authorities said the 27-year-old experienced jumper encountered difficulty when his parachute opened early and snagged on the plane's tail, as he exited at an altitude of 13,000 feet. This caused damage to the aircraft as well as his chute, resulting in a faster than normal decent speed. He’s not lucky; the other skydivers were the lucky ones, their parachutes opened.
Danny’s never jumped tandem, even his first time. There was an instructor that jumped with him, but wasn’t attached to anyone. The fella had about 13,000 feet, two full minutes of screaming, waiting to die as the ground got closer.
A surfer in Australia survived an attack by a great white shark while cutting through a wave and took the guy’s arm off with surgical accuracy. He made it back to the beach. He’s lucky to survive? He’s not lucky; the other 17 surfers were the lucky ones.
Shila thinks the survivors are lucky to survive. She thinks they deserve a pot of gold for being lucky. How’s he going to carry it with one arm?
7:22 – There’s controversy! A crescent wrench is NOT a monkey wrench.
7:25 – Danny takes a call from a guy that was run over by a train at 15 years-old. He lost a leg, his spleen and got a concussion. The spleen is useless, but he’s got to be good at hopscotch. He was hopping a train o school and the steps broke on him. Collectively they have seven legs now. Aren’t the three other guys with him the lucky ones?
7:35 – The show has figured out that there is something to be figured out. Danny thinks there should be a new 1-10 scale for judging people’s looks. Dany’s cut of point is much lower than most peoples. Shila doesn’t bleach or wax, she gets her unwanted hair ‘threaded.’
7:39 – In Danny’s world a 10, perfection, is unattainable. So instead of giving numbers, what bone in your body would you break to have sex with them? What damage would you be willing to take to have sex with someone? To firm up the sliding scale the hottest is Megan Fox from Transformers and the worst is Mindy Cohen from Facts of Life.
7:43 – One caller would become a paraplegic. Danny thinks that’s a little extreme if you’re willing to take a life without limbs for one perfect night.
7:52 – Danny would break his leg for Heather Locklear today, imagine what he would’ve done 15 years ago. One caller wants a visible battle wound so that others would know that something unattainable was attained. Another caller would lose a testicle. What if the sex isn’t as good as you think it will be? Is it worth a lifetime of damage? One caller would have his vocal cords taken out. How would you tell your wife to shut up? Text her! 10 = Vocal chords
9 = Losing an eye, Danny would wear an eye patch so he could look like a pirates.
8 = Losing a testicle. Ouch.
7 = Getting your ear cut off. You can always grow your hair out over it.
6 = Breaking a leg.
5 = Pulling Teeth.
1 = Clipping toe nails.
8:11 – Entertainment News: Paula Abdul says the Fox network and "American Idol" producers knew Paula Goodspeed had stalked her, and allowed the woman to audition for the show anyway. "I said this girl is a stalker of mine and please do not let her in," Abdul said Monday during an interview with Barbara Walters. Lindsay Lohan and Sean Penn were 'nuzzling' at a private dinner. Sources say she immediately sidled up to Penn, who took her under his wing, so to speak. Doesn’t she have a girlfriend? Fran Drescher, star of "The Nanny" wants to succeeding Hillary Rodham Clinton in the U.S. Senate. She’s serious about becoming the next junior senator from New York. How annoying would she be during a filibuster? 41-year-old mother of two, Pamela Anderson raised plenty of eyebrows on Saturday afternoon when she showed up to an Uber-posh art gallery event as part of Art Basel Miami Beach looking like she just rolled out-of-bed. Pamela donned only a pair of black and orange underpants with an off-the-shoulder shirt. Danny is certain she’s closer to 45 than 41. If you go to Malibu you can’t miss Pam’s house, and if you do make it out there be on the lookout for Pam bathing naked in her tub outside.
8:27 – Marc Summers from Double Dare is in the studio! Nothing that he’ll ever do will eclipse being the host of Double Dare. The hallway is covered in plastic; it’s not a scene from ‘Silence of the Lambs’, but Metro is hoping to do a Double Dare challenge. Marc’s also been on the Food Network for nine years that covers the history of food and how certain foods are made. Mark filmed Double Dare in Philly for a few years and the restaurants have come a long way.
8:34 – Danny’s appearance on one of Marc’s shows, Couch Potatoes, was a low point for him. Marc has also moved beyond being on camera and produced a lot of shows. Danny’s been a producertoo, but didn’t really do much work as a producer, it was just a title. The only reason Danny keeps himself on TV is for the instant recognition with girls.
8:38 – Marc used to be a comedian before his TV career took off. Danny does comedy, see him this weekend!
8:53 – Metro is out of his mind, he’s living out a boyhood dream. Danny, Metro, Shila, and Gibbons are all competing on behalf of listeners. Danny and Shila are on one team, Metro and Gibbons on the other. Danny doesn’t think Shila’s going to be good at a physical challenge. Today’s game is ‘Egg Smash.’ The rules are too difficult to explain, you’ll just have to watch the video, it’ll make sense, I promise.
8:58 - Marc does the play by play. DANNY AND SHILA WIN!!! Danny’s bleeding now. Check out Marc's shows: Dinner Impossible air Wednesdays @10pm on the Food Network and Unwrapped which you can see at various times on the Food Network.
9:11 – Lisa, a caller from Maguire AFB, she’s coming to Philly with some girlfriends on Friday. What can they do to meet guys and have fun? Go see Danny do standup comedy! Danny wants to do something to show his support for ladies in uniform.
9:21 – News with Shila: A Minnesota appeals court yesterday rejected Sen. Larry E. Craig's latest effort to withdraw his guilty plea, 18 months after the Idaho Republican was arrested in a Minneapolis airport bathroom during an undercover sex sting. Touching any man in a public bathroom is an open sign of gayness. The recession has hit the North Pole. John Hauck, 71, who plays Santa, commutes two-and-a-half hours from Pennsylvania to New York because he was laid off from his gig at the Granite Run Mall. Maybe he’s not missing out if the job description includes 4 year-old whizzing on your leg.
9:40 – Lennox Lewis is going into the Boxing Hall of Fame, why isn’t Kiss in the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame? That’s a travesty. Gene Simmons is a good friend of the Bonaduce family. He’s got photos of every girl he slept with, about 5,000. Danny doesn’t think that’s a big number, it could be more. Hookers don’t count. It’s like hunting practice! If each prostitute Danny’s been with counted as a notch in the belt, he’d just be wearing a buckle.
9:59 - Danny's Final thought: "I't's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, and then someone gets to sleep with Megan Fox!"
Tuesday December 9th, 2008
6:02 – Insert something important here. Danny’s been riding Amy’s scooter since his bike is in the shop getting supped up at Mike’s Harley-Davidson. What’s a skull derby cover? Not sure, but Danny’s getting one. Danny’s been overwhelmed with MySpace friend request and spent all night writing listeners back.
6:09 – Did Santino lose his match to a leprechaun last night because he came in to talk to Danny? Danny’s boxing coach is a chick, he’s excited about that and is working hard to quit smoking leading up to the Canseco fight. Danny isn’t scared, but he is concerned. Canseco might be bigger, but Shila thinks Danny has more fight in him. Usually Danny has a victory party after his fights, maybe not for this one.
6:32 – Replay of the WWE's Santino Marella and The Glamazon, Beth Phoenix in the studio yesterday. Santino sent Danny through a table.
6:50 –Danny and Metro both have girlfriends named Amy. To make it easy Danny’s new nickname for his girlfriend Amy is ‘Buttface.’ Would he really want to kiss ‘Buttface?’ He’s done worse when he was an addict. He once woke up to little a rat of a dog that cost him 2 thousand bucks and drove him nuts.
6:53 – Something scandalous happened in the studio? Last night Shila was at the gym and took a body shaping class with Metro’s girlfriend Amy. Metro’s Amy told him Shila looked like a spaz and she’s not too coordinated. Danny wants to see Shila workout so he can see her convulsions in person. Metro doesn’t have the stamina to keep his girl happy? Amy and Shila gossiped about Metro, Shila needs to remember whose team she’s on.
7:01 – Jeff, the Program Director, looks like Potsy Weber? Danny is still peeved that Shila is on Team Feldman and questions her overall loyalty to the show and to 94 WYSP. Danny thinks that Shila should be loyal to Metro over Amy. Metro is the guy that brought up the drunken actions of Shila’s boyfriend Sean.
7:16 – News with Shila: Shila thinks Corey Feldman is hotter than Steven Tyler. Three people are dead after an F-18 fighter jet crashed and burned today in a San Diego neighborhood. The fiery crash destroyed two homes. A suspect who said he had the skinny on a homicide case managed to shimmy through an air vent in the ceiling of an interview room last night and escape Police Headquarters. Why wasn’t the guy handcuffed? He can stack chairs too! Maybe he’s a Chinese acrobat. Mayor Nutter warned at a town hall meeting last night that the city's already dire financial situation is continuing to deteriorate. The prices of houses in Philadelphia are falling fast. Danny’s a big fan of real estate, there’s only so much land and they’re not making more of it. State conservation officers say they don't know what will be done with a coyote that tried to enter a Sears store in broad daylight in eastern Pennsylvania. Danny’s used to seeing wildlife in his backyard. He’s lost a few cats to coyotes. Danny does not recommend that you attack coyotes, but they’re not as bad ass as you might think. A young woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend that ruptured her ear drum. The incident prompted a series of articles in the local media warning of the dangers of excessive kissing.That’s one guy Danny’s not gonna kiss.
7:37 – The 12 Kinds of Sex Every Couple Should Have part 1:
1 – Make-Up Sex – Shila is a big fan of it, the last time she got some? In the past three months. Metro and Danny don’t really believe in it. Danny prefers power sex over make-up sex; he thinks that the notion of make-up sex is too passive for him.
2 – Vacation Sex – That’s a gimme for Danny. Hammock sex almost impossible.
3 – Anamilistic Sex – Danny likes urgency, but he doesn’t like his clothes being ripped off. Spontaneous sex ends up breaking something or getting someone hurt.
4 – Tie-Up Sex – Angles are key to this according to Danny. All parties need to be comfortable and feel safe. Knots in silk ties were not easy for Danny to get out.
5 – Hope We Don’t Get Caught Sex – That’s every time for paranoid Shila. Danny digs it, love in an elevator not so easy though. If you stop the elevator and alarm goes off and Danny doesn’t like standing during sex. He has stood on the Yellow Pages before to get leverage and bend a girl over the sink. He’s also kept his boots on for the extra few inches of height. Danny was drunk for 12 years. Maybe he had sex WITH the Yellow Pages.
7:55 - The 12 Kinds of Sex Every Couple Should Have part 2:
6 – Comfort Sex – It’s like mashed potatoes in bed!
Danny takes a call from a guy who actually did have elevator sex with his girlfriend when he had a broken leg. He’s Danny’s hero. Danny would be willing to break his leg for sex with a hot girl.
8:08 – Entertainment News with Dax Holt from TMZ.com: Danny’s ex-wife and daughter refer to Dax as the ‘cute blonde guy.’ The day Michael Vick went to jail he spent $200,000 on stuff he couldn’t use. Maybe he had to spend it before lawyers started to come looking for his money. Danny knows how to hide money; unfortunately he learned it all after his divorce. Now his mom is getting kicked out of her house because he’s not there to pay for it. Danny adores Alyssa Milano he’d cut off a finger for a night with her. Shila makes a comment about cute child actors that didn’t grow up to be so cute. Shila 1, Danny 0. Alyssa has a crazy stalker. He used to stalk Tiffany, now Alyssa Milano. He’s working his way up the ladder.
Steve-O from Jackass could be on Dancing with the Stars? Danny’s been asked to do the show twice, but he’s not interested in it. Steve-O in on a 9-month sober streak. Back when Steve-O was a mess Danny had to save him from some sticky situations at night clubs. Two women who were arrested by Wee Man during a "theft-related" incident at a shopping mall in 2006 have filed a lawsuit against Wee and the CBS show "Armed and Famous," claiming they were "falsely arrested" because they wouldn't sign release forms for the show. Danny thinks that they girls should get paid just for being arrested by a midget.
8:35 – It’s game time! ‘Who Wrote What?’ is a game Metro put together with sections of Danny’s book, Random Acts of Badness. If the callers guess correctly which of the three quotes were NOT from Danny’s book then they get tickets to see Danny on stage at the Killers of Comedy show at the Coliseum in Vorhees, NJ on the 12th.
Round 1:
1 – I really thought I was going to become a Chinese gangster, and I liked the idea.
2 – That’s when I first noticed my testicles were shrinking from steroid use.
3 – The strangest thing I ever did to get high and then stay clean revolved around Geraldo Rivera
Number 2 is not from Danny’s book.
Danny was close to becoming a drug mule for some Chinese gangsters. They treated Danny well, but they got testy with Danny because he asked too many questions.
Once in order to stay sober for a television appearances Danny gave an envelope to the front desk and went to his room to handcuff himself to various immobile objects to make sure he couldn’t hit the streets and get in trouble. What was in the envelope? The keys to the handcuffs!
Round 2:
1 – Believe it or not, that was the very night I lost my virginity to Susan Dey.
2 – Now excuse me while I brag to all my friends about my giant penis problem.
3 – Of course, guys like me don’t deserve a soldier’s death, so I passed out and went to work the next day.
Number 1 is not from Danny’s book.
Round 3:
1 – I had actually shot heroin before appearing on the Howard Stern Show.
2 – Little did I know, I would need more than a jar of clean urine to save me from what was coming.
3 – To the untrained eye, the arrest and subsequent trial over the transvestite incident might have seemed like the low point of my life.
Number 1 is not from Danny’s book.
Danny didn’t shoot heroin, but he did snort it because he thought it was coke. Not a good appearance.
9:07 – News with Shila: According to Shila the Tribune company is declaring bankruptcy because it’s $13 million dollars in debt. Oh, wait, it’s $13 BILLION. That’s credibility! Danny could make up the news and be closer to the truth. The South Street Bridge is officially closed. It will be demolished and reconstructed over the next two years at a cost of $67 million. Law enforcement agencies on the federal, county, and local levels are joining together in Bucks County, Pa., in an effort to put violent street gangs out of business. What do they do, vandalize shrubbery? NBC has found a way to keep Jay Leno on the network. Leno, who is due to hand the Tonight Show reins to Conan O'Brien in May, will be given a plum weeknight time slot, 10 p.m. ET/PT, for a prime-time version of his talk show. Some same-sex marriage supporters are urging people to skip work Wednesday to show how much the country relies on gays and lesbians. Organizers of the protest called "Day Without a Gay" are also encouraging people to perform volunteer work and refrain from spending money that day. Danny can’t possibly call in gay, he’s dyslexic. Which means he can’t do the YMCA dance.
9:30 – Danny’s studied dream interpretation and he’s going to find the hidden meaning to Shila’s dream about Metro. Shila and Metro were in the mountains and she started making out with Metro. After making out with Metro when a tall man came to tell Shila that someone crashed into her Honda and then her boyfriend Sean and his girlfriend Amy showed up. Shila’s been feeling guilty all day. What does Danny think? Shila does find a sales manager attractive, Metro represents the radio show and she’s looking for disaster. She is her own worst enemy and any intimate relationship with a coworker would be a disaster and wreck the show. It’s a protective dream to save her from destroying her radio career. Don’t let anyone dip their pen in her company ink.
9:51 – Danny’s Final Thought: You know kids, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Meaning: Never let your head get to big. Yesterday I was picked up by a 250 lb. man and smashed through a table and I got up without injury. I felt pretty bad ass…until later that night when said wrestler was pinned to the ground in submission by a redheaded midget. It all comes and goes kids. Remember: One day it’s a tough guy, the next day it’s a dwarf in a leprechaun suit. That’s how life goes.
Monday December 8th, 2008
6:01 – what’s wrong from Danny’s face? Shila doesn’t notice. He’s got ONE eyebrow. Gibbons noticed it in 2 seconds. Danny’s left eyebrow was waxed off. Why? He waxed his eyebrow off for a segment of The Smoking Gun Presents: The World’s Dumbest. It didn’t feel good. This is the last time he’ll ever wax hair off his body.
6:06 – He did use a Sharpie to fill it in when he went drinking this weekend. This leads to a conversation about a girls that would pluck or wax their eyebrows off and pencil them in. Shila thinks she has gangsta cred.
6:08 – On CCW Danny challenged Hulk Hogan to a fight that was edited out of this weekend’s episode. There’s still a WWE/CCW feud going on. Danny will defect if he’s invited to side with the WWE. Santino Marella and The Glamazon, Beth Phoenix will be on the show today. Danny brought furniture for Santino to throw Danny into. Someone is going through a table today.
6:12 – Danny watched yesterday’s Eagles game at Kildares and was extremely irritated by one Giant’s fan. Many bars in Los Angeles have outlawed sports jerseys because weapons can be conceled under them. Danny equates the geography of Los Angeles to the Epcot Center, if you want trouble you can find it, but you have to go looking for it, in jerseys. Which is not to be confused with the state of New Jersey.
6:18 – Danny is still fired up that he never got to fight Dennis Rodman on Hulk Hogan’s CCW.
6:30 – Shila’s friend with the great rack, Courtney had given her business card to a listener of the Danny Bonaduce Show on Thursday night when she was at Lucy’s for ‘Hey, Where We Drinking?’. Now he’s texting her, asking if she got home safely, and saying that he’s sending gifts. Shila thinks it’s inappropriate that some unknown guy is texting her friend about personal issues when she gave her business card out for business. Danny thinks that if she didn’t want him to have her number she wouldn’t have given her the business card. Danny thinks he’s just being a nice guy.
6:38 – Shila thinks it’s a little weird that he’s sending gifts to her office. A few callers think Shila’s overreacting and it’s just someone being a nice guy. Danny’s going to hold out until he knows what the gift is until he calls the dude a creep. Metro thinks the guy is being romantic. There are some guesses as to what the gift the mystery texter is sending to Courtney, Metro is hoping it’s a horse head.
6:46 – Shila thinks it’s odd that he’s going to give her a gift so soon. Perhaps the guy really does want to sell his house and he’s going to list it with her. Danny believes in grand romantic gestures. Danny won Amy over with a chivalrous gesture on a rooftop early in their relationship. Shila thinks that’s nice, but Danny and Amy were interested in each other and this texting guy is going about it the wrong way. If Shila wants her friends that are soldiers overseas to get home safe why can’t this guy wish that Courtney and Shila got home safe? How would Shila have handled the situation? She would have called the next day, not text the person. If you don’t get a text back then they’re not interested. Texting does reduce the risk of feeling rejected. Shila thinks the guy just wanted to get laid.
6:54 – Danny thinks if he’s not following them home he’s not a bad dude. Just because he wrote doesn’t mean he wants sex.
7:06 – News with Shila : OJ Simpson could have settled for just three years in jail - but arrogantly rejected all plea-bargain offers. Simpson, 61, was jailed for at least 15 years on Friday. Danny is glad a murderer is finally going to jail. Upper Darby Police Superintendent Mike Chitwood confirms the nationwide search for the father of a three-month-old infant who suffered a significant beating is over. He's currently in our headquarters waiting to be arraigned. Danny wants to throw him in a wood chipper. Amsterdam has unveiled plans to shutter up to half its famed brothels and marijuana cafes as part of a major clean-up of its ancient city centre. The city is attempting to drive organised crime out of the neighbourhood and is targeting businesses that “generate criminality”, including prostitution, gambling parlors, “smart shops” that sell drugs and “coffee shops” where marijuana is sold. AmsterDAMN this place used to be cooler!
7:23 – WWE Superstars Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix are in the studio! Santino talks about how he got in to the WWE, The Milan Miracle. Danny has become a big wrestling fan after being on the CCW. Beth brags about her Glam Slam. No one has EVER gotten up from a Glam Slam! Could Beth demonstrate the Glam Slam on Danny? Santino tells Danny to back off because he wants to slam Danny through the table. WWE RAW is at the Wachovia Center tonight and it’s a special RAW! The Slammy Awards are being handed out too.
7:30 – Santino won the Intercontinental Championship the first time he entered the WWE ring. Santino takes calls from listeners. Are Beth and Santino dating? They ARE up for Couple of the Year at the Slammys.
7:32 – Beth worries when Santino wrestles because he’s so beautiful. He doesn’t worry about her because he knows she can’t be beat. More Calls! Philly loves Santino because of his mic skills.
7:37 – Danny and Santino lock up and get ready to do some moves. Santino sends Danny throuh a table! Tune in to RAW tonight at 8pm on USA to watch Santino and Beth win their Slammy and do some rasslin’! Want to see it in person? Go here!
Listen to the interview here -
7:50 – Be Danny’s friend on MySpace! Merrill Reese is on the phone to talk some Eagles football. Merrill had a great time yesterday, he was sure McNabb was going to get the start, Danny was surprised. The playoff picture is getting clearer. To close out the season the Eagles have the Browns, Redksins and wrap up their season with the Cowboys at home. If Atlanta loses one more game the chance to make the playoffs is even better. Merrill was glad to see L.J. Smith show up for a big game and a healthy Westbrook with a great ground game. Philly is America’s team, not Dallas. The Cowboys have more felony arrests than Danny, and that’s a lot.
8:08 – Entertainment News: Boy George was convicted Friday of falsely imprisoning a male escort. Norwegian escort Audun Carlsen had alleged he was handcuffed to a wall hook at the singer's east London apartment on April 28, 2007. Carlsen, 29, said O'Dowd swung a metal chain at him when he got loose and fled the apartment following a naked photo shoot.Danny knows a lot about S&M that he learned at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Danny wanted to attend the most shocking meetings he could to help him stear clear of drinking. Some S&M friend told him about a hepatitis outbreak that stemmed from blood on cat o’ nine tails. Ewww. Alex ‘A-Rod’ Rodriguez says he and Madonna are just “friends”. Speaking for the first time about Madonna, the baseball player – who was first linked to the 50-year-old singer earlier this year – insists there is no romance between the pair, and rumours about a relationship are “ridiculous”. Alex, 33, said: “We're friends - we're friends and that's it. I've been to two of her concerts, yet I've read that I went to 20. I've also read that we were buying an apartment together. That is absolutely ridiculous and not true. No one named ‘Rod’ is just a friend.
Britney Spears says she wants a breast reduction because her ample cup size means she can't wear slinky clothes anymore. Breast reduction can lead to mutilation, the process isn’t perfected yet. Nearly one month after the apparent suicide of obsessed fan Paula Goodspeed outside her Sherman Oaks, CA home, American Idol judge Paula Abdul has decided to put the house on the market because she’s ‘outgrown’ it. How fat has she gotten to outgrow the place?
8:28 – Secret Celebrity time! Metro has booked a guest that Danny doesn’t know about. Danny asks the guest questions to figure out who it is. He’s an actor/musician. He’s been in Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star. Who is it? COREY FELDMAN! Danny is NOT happy. He likes Corey’s work, but doesn’t like Corey. Corey is dead to Danny. He walks out of the studio because he doesn’t want to talk to Corey. Metro and Shila talk to Corey. Danny starts yelling in the hallway to wrap the interview up. Shila loves Corey. He’s got a new album. Who’s on Team Feldman? Thousands, but not Corey Haim. Things aren’t so good between them. Corey starts taking shots at DLianny’s voice. He plugs his new music and wraps it up.
Listen to it here -
8:40 – Danny comes back in, he’s not happy that Corey was on. He let Corey on the air, but he didn’t want to talk to Corey because he was sticking to his guns. Feldman is cute on the outside, but his soul his decayed like a rundown building.
8:50 – Dear Danny: ‘I’m a small guy who has trouble put on muscle. What should I do?’ Take 1 gram of protein for every pound of body weight and eat often. Muscle magazines have the same stories every month with different people telling the stories. Two options: Personal trainer (not cheap) or a workout buddy who will help you with forced reps. Danny is a certified trainer; he’ll work out with you. Just maintain a good carb/protein ratio!
8:53 – Dear Danny: ‘I had a big fight with my brother and we weren’t talking. He called me and told me he had something to tell me, he got breast implants! He’s been married for over a year but wants to be a woman. After getting the implants he still feels incomplete and wants to go all the way and complete the transition. He’ll be changing his name. I’m devastated that I’ve lost my bother. My parents have disowned him too. I tell people that my brother’s dead now. What do I do?’ Danny wants the writer to be a little more understanding. The operations and procedures are easier to take than the hormone shots and the psychological tests are the hard part. You haven’t lost a brother, you won a sister! He’s earning his vagina; he wasn’t just born with it. Why don’t you be as kind to your brother as strangers have been?
9:38 -News with Shila: The most urgent question Tom Brokaw had for Barack Obama? Has he quit smoking? US President-Elect Barack Obama has pledged that he would not be violating The White House no-smoking rule. Obama should be able to smoke in the White House if he wants to, it’s his home. The Liquor Control Board raided a few bars over the weekend for operating without a license. At the Triada lounge in Old City where four bartenders and an owner were arrested Friday for serving without a license, police noted that the bar menu listed $200 for a bottle of Absolut and $450 for a bottle of Grey Goose. But in the back room, investigators said, they found empty bottles of the premium vodka near full bottles of Banker's Club, a rot-gut vodka purchased for $7 in New Jersey! This has Danny very upset. Don’t ever miss with his vodka. He would swap champagne for domestic sparkling wine to fool girls when he was younger. NICE!
9:38 – Danny is still upset that he didn’t get to fight Rodman in the CCW. Brian ‘Nasty Boy’ Knobbs from the show is on the line to give some insight. Danny’s injuries did him no favors; if he had stayed healthy they might have had him match up in the finals for the title. What was with Frank Stallone’s gimmick? That’s why he’s the OTHER brother. Danny tells Brian that Santino was in the studio. If Vince is willing to give Danny a shot at Rodman he’s jump ship. Brian is in a great mood because of the Eagles win yesterday. Up next: Cleveland!
9:57 – One caller wasn’t surprised that Hogan handed the belt to Roman, they used to train together and they’re good friends. Danny has no issue with Hogan, his beef is with Rodman who kept ducking him.
9:59 – Danny’s Final Thought: I am going to tell you the same thing I tell my children. It is important to have something to fall back on. Philadelphia has some of the best college, but once you graduate if you can find a job where getting smashed through a table is one of the high points and your social studies class does teach you that the cat o’ nine tails can spread hepatitis C, you might have gone to the wrong college.
Friday December 5th, 2008
6:01 – Metro is very pink today. Shila thinks he’s cute today. Last night at Lucy’s was a lot of fun. Danny was mixed up as to who the real Mickey Lee (super listener) actually is. Danny had Mickey Lee confused with his toothless cousin. Last night’s bar tab was around $250. The drinkers were more fair than last time, however this time people ordered more than one drink on Danny’s tab.
6:07 – Danny likes low key affairs so that he can spend more one on one time with everyone there rather than just slap some high-fives and just meet the 8 people around him. Shila and her friend Courtney towered over everyone at the bar. Danny didn’t knock anyone’s teeth out, but when talking to Danny, Mickey Lee's teeth fell out while he was being told to leave because he was touching girls inappropriately. Danny’s so tough he can look at someone and their teeth hit the floor!
6:12 – Shila was sad that she missed the precious moment when the dude’s teeth fell out. He had some dentures and black caps on his teeth that were still in his mouth.
6:25 – Danny doesn’t have a sexual fetish, but he wants a good one. Just normal sex has always been good for him, but he’s open to something a little more exciting. This conversation was spawned from a story about a couple that enjoyed playing with loaded guns in bed.
6:31 – Danny had never heard of knife play. Danny prefers to have the woman in control, when women look like they’re not having a good time is when it’s too much for him. One caller likes to keep the woman’s panties on. That fetish doesn’t work for Danny, get ‘em outta the way, keeping them on causes too much interference. Shila likes a little hair pulling and roughness, but not getting tied up. It’s not a favorable position for pleasure. Shila’s only allowed herself be overpowered by one man.
6:37 – Metro has a thing for women in office clothes, and he’ll keep her fancy clothes on. Danny has a weakness for over the top smart chicks that he sees on the History Channel.
6:44 – Danny’s not into overpowering women. He’s had some position of authority all of his life, he’s more into being overpowered. Shila and Danny can’t get into dirty talk. Webcams interest Danny though. Shila’s had webcam sex; she was in a long distance relationship. Danny doesn’t understand the rape fantasy and never known anyone to follow through on it. Danny’s a big fan of porn and sex toys.
6:53 – One of Shila’s friends likes the sex swing. What do girls talk about? Danny thins they talk about size sometimes, finishing time. Shila says that women are more into the small details about where hands were, what dudes wore. She knows a woman who was with a man that wore a clown mask. Shila might not have sex (regularly), but she does have sex stories!
7:05 – News with Shila: A romantic marriage proposal on a beach turned into a nightmare when a wave swept the bride-to-be out to sea. God saved him from getting married to the wrong girl! The American Commerce Center moved one step closer to being the tallest building in the Philadelphia. At 1500 feet, it would rise high enough to tower over the neighboring 975 foot Comcast Center and all that surrounds it. A Bucks County jury has found a mom who was on trial for having sex with two teens not guilty on all major charges Thursday. She’s still a MILF, not even a cougar yet. Shila thinks she’s ugly. Danny would hit it. He’d smash anything.
7:22 – Danny IS an ordained minister, he has the power to set you free from your sins!
7:28 – Forgiveness Fridays! Barbara is the first sinner today: She lied to a man about getting pregnant, having a kid and then putting it up for adoption. The guy never asked questions or tried to track the baby down. Brother Danny says she did the man a favor, because he didn’t want to be a father. She’s absolved!
7:38 – Gene is another sinner! Gene is getting paid today, he’s got direct deposit and there’s no cash in his account. He wants to bomb the bank. Deacon Dan says that’s not something he should do, because the next deposit he’ll get is from Bubba. He’s not going to get deflowered in the shower! He needs to track down the check and spend it on hookers!
7:46 – Anthony has smoked marijuana in the past and plans on doing it in the future. Who made all the trees in the forest? Who made all the animals? Who made the sticky bud? GOD!
7:49 – Darrell wants to be forgiven for doing something naughty to his wife in bed this weekend. Danny cannot condone that.
8:02 – Gene called the bank and his money was there! Brother Bonaduce has worked a miracle! The more you sin, the more Brother Bonaduce can forgive you for next Forgiveness Friday!
8:02 – Gene called the bank and his money was there! Brother Bonaduce has worked a miracle! The more you sin, the more Brother Bonaduce can forgive you for next Forgiveness Friday!
8:03 – Entertainment News with Shila: According to online gossip mongers, baseball star A-Rod may already be cheating on his rumored girlfriend Madonna. Brad Pitt says he'll consider marrying Angelina Jolie if they "feel it's important to our kids.’ He’s also not a fan of the paparazzi. Danny warns to be careful of biting the hand that feeds you. The reason celebrities stay celebrities is because they’re in the new often and people can keep up with the changes in their appearance though the photographers. Kid Rock is upset that he can’t pick the good deed that will serve as his punishment for a brawl at a Waffle House in DeKalb County. In a post on his web site, www.kidrock.com, he blasts a judge for denying his request to serve his 80 hours of community service by performing for U.S. troops stationed in the Middle East. Danny thinks that’s an admirable and justifiable community service. Years ago Danny cheated his way out of community service. He had to do 750 hours going door to door collecting canned goods for the Food Bank of Philadelphia. He got 8 hours credit for every bag of cans….so he just went to the grocery store and brought in a bag of cans every day and got out of going door to door.
8:22 – Jimmy the Bank Robber isn’t going todo traffic, he’s doing sports! What a filthy mouth. Jimmy is NOT a McNabb fan.
8:27 – Brian ‘Nasty Boy’ Knobbs is on the line to talk about Danny getting kicked off Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Saturday night wrestling in a match involving Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan. Danny has been getting invitations to appear at smaller wrestling invitation events across the country. The WWE is the biggest, but there are lots of great wrestling promotions across the United States. Brian was told that no one involved with HHCCW is allowed around anyone having anything to do with the WWE. Monday WWE RAW is at the Wachovia Center, what’s gonna happen? Danny wants to show off the moves he learned and put The Undertaker in a school boy. Vince McMahon can’t tell Danny what to do.
8:37 – Brian is a huge Eagles fan. He wants a better receiver for McNabb and Westbrook. He’s fired up about his Birds. He’ll come back on the air Monday morning to talk about the Eagles/Giants game.
8:46 – Danny is going up to New York City today to tape another episode of The Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest. He’s written a bunch of jokes for the news stories he has to talk about, but can the listeners do better? Today’s story is about a clown at a birthday party who performed a stunt involving fire and set himself and the house on fire. Danny’s jokes:
1 - Never liked clowns much, but set one on fire, pretty good show!
2 - Hey stinko, nice show last night, you were on fire!
8:55 – The listeners call in with their jokes.
1 – Hmm, something smells funny!
2 – He got a little too fired up for the job!
3 – Flammable clown extinguishes self with own shoes!
4 – Ronald McDonald gets flame broiled!
The winner? Number 4!
9:08 – News with Shila: Antonio Pierce didn't know New York Giants teammate Plaxico Burress was carrying a gun last weekend until it accidentally discharged, injuring the receiver in the right thigh, Pierce's lawyer said today. Police will be checking his truck for gun residue. Time outs don’t work when punishing kids; Danny has to send his daughter outside, away from MySpace, to play to punish her. A Florida man is facing a domestic violence charge after authorities say he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. A woman is suing a Pennsylvania sports bar and restaurant, saying she got stuck inside a toilet bowl for 20 minutes after the seat broke. Once Shila ran away from a woman in a handicap toilet who was screaming for help because she was scared. Shila’s mom went in to help the woman.
9:18 – Danny takes a call from a woman who wants Brian Knobbs and Danny to go down to WWE RAW on Monday night to challenge Vince McMahon. Danny’s not keen on anyone telling people what to do with their careers. Danny IS still under contract with the CCW for a year after the show’s finale, so perhaps McMahon is right on this subject. Danny is changing Screech’s name to Douche.
9:21 – Danny’s doing a show with the Killers of Comedy. Get tickets at cleanboxentertainment.com.
9:40 – Last night the show went out to Lucy’s Hat Shop on Market St. for ‘Hey, Where We Drinking?’ Danny had the chance to meet Shila’s friend Courtney. Her rack is real. Danny can’t remember her name, only her rack. Metro was staring at them all night.
9:44 – Courtney, Shila and Danny’s girlfriend Amy are planning a ‘Girl’s Night Out.’ Danny doesn’t think Amy will go because she needs to keep an eye on Amy. Danny gets Amy on the phone. She will go out for ‘Girl’s Night Out.’ However she would prefer to bring Danny along. Amy doesn’t think that Danny could find another girl in 3 hours. If she’s willing to leave him at home for a night then either she finds him less desirable or she trusts him. One of them sucks.
9:56 – Danny’s Final Thought: Listen ladies; let me help you out here. There’s no reason to be embarrassed if you have fake boobs, or fake orgasms. WE DON’T CARE!
Thursday December 4th, 2008
6:01 – Shila got a manicure/pedicure last night, not so exciting to Danny. Metro and his girlfriend are having a ‘tiff.’ Danny is tired of being compared to Joe Pesci. Danny is CUTE, Joe is short and angry. Danny also joined SWEAT gym last night.
6:07 – Danny’s never seen ‘roid rage in his life, but he’s seen a lot of muscle queens at the gym. Muscle queens are gay body builders. In Los Angeles Danny would work out in West Hollywood, the gay section of the city, because it was the nicest, cleanest area of L.A. to work out.
6:09 –Jose Canseco pushed back his fight with Danny by a week. Danny’s also fired up about his new pirate watches, but he didn’t set the watches and woke up in the middle of the night and had to hit the gym for the big fight. At the gym Danny realized that it was 11 pm, not 4 am, and panicked. He couldn’t get back to sleep and has been up since. Danny did get a great workout in though.
6:28 – Danny likes Lars; he’s not such a jerk in real life. Lars did an interview with Blender where he talked about the great bonding experience of doing drugs. Danny never felt that bond, if you have drugs, you want to keep them to yourself, not share them. Lars watches other dudes snort coke now to get the bond. Danny doesn’t understand that. Shila’s never done it, but has been around people who have. She didn’t feel a bond, but did feel like a crime was going on and it was time to get out of the room.
6:31 – Snorting, pill popping, and drinking isn’t a bonding experience, but a toe tagging experience. Danny explains what doing coke is like. At one time he went 9 days without sleeping. He came up with what he thought were brilliant ideas when high, but felt ridiculous when he came down. The real bonding experience was scoring the drugs. If there was a bonding drug/moment when doing drugs it’s backstabbing someone that isn’t in the room.
6:34 – Who’s Danny done drugs with? Most of Zeppelin, pills with Jagger, most of everyone in Van Halen, he’s seen Scott Weiland O.D. at a restaurant. He almost drown in his soup! Danny also went to rehab at the same place as Steven Tyler. One night Danny was drinking like a madman at a bar and was hitting on a hot blonde. His friend pulls him aside to tell him that he was hitting on Brad Pitt.
6:49 – Shila’s had some freaky dreams and Danny wants to interpret them. He’s never done coke with Sigmud Freud though. Shila was one of four women in a hotel room with one man, everyone else is naked. The man was Michael Phelps, not wearing any gold medals. Michael has sex with two of the girls, wants to move on to Shila, but she turns him down and he moves on to the third.
6:52 – What does Danny think? It’s a drea about self loathing. Three hot girls, an American hero, and Shila was afraid Phelps might not want her and saving herself from rejection. Danny thinks she doesn’t have enough confidence in herself. She wouldn’t let him take off her pants so that he wouldn’t like her, but that he wouldn’t have a chance to be disappointed. She saw it as not allowing herself to be exploited by a man and be taken advantage of. Then why did she stay in the room?
7:32 – Jake Kalish, author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights is on the show now. His book was not chemically inspired, unlike Danny’s book, Random Acts of Badness. The idea for the book spawned from an article he wrote for Playboy about The Hulk vs. The Terminator. Drunk vs. Stoner? Shila thinks the Drunk because of ‘beer muscles. Metro agrees. Danny goes with the drunk too; however the drunk might not have good balance. Callers side with the Stoner due to punching accuracy.
7:42 – The One I’m In Love With vs. The One I’m With? That would mean Danny’s girlfriend Amy would beat herself up. This is the first relationship with a girl that Danny hasn’t cheated in.
7:45 – Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo? Danny goes with Han Solo because he could kick Indiana’s ass with a light saber….However Han was not a Jedi and never handled a light saber in any of the Star Wars movies. But he could squash Indy with the Millenium Falcon!
7:57 – Danny’s been working hard on the radio show and wants to rest in the Caribbean on a beach over the Christmas holiday, however his girlfriend Amy wants to go back to the West Coast and see her family. Danny’s not interested in getting worn out traveling across the country and still has to train for the Canseco fight.
8:00 – Danny is adamant about getting a nice female endurance trainer to work with him on the beach and sending Amy home to California to see her family. Callers agree that Danny deserves a little time off. Perhaps he can find a gnarly lady trainer that looks like a wolverine to get him in shape. That’s the Bonaduce way!
8:13 –Entertainment News: Grammy nominees were announced last night. Danny says Coldplay, Metro thinks Robert Plant & Allison Krauss, Shila picked Ne-Yo. Jennifer Hudson’s brother in-law has been charged with triple homicide for killing three members of her family. How mad to you have to be wipe out a family? Hudson’s sister married her stalker. Danny once married caller number 8 for a year. He used to introduce her as Caller 8.
NY Times Top 10 worst movies of 2008.
10 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua
9 – Witless Protection
8 – Rambo
Stallone is Danny’s favorite, he loved the new Rambo. Sly can do no wrong.
7 – Don’t Mess With The Zohan
6 – Babylon A.D.
5 – 10,000 BC
4 – What Happens In Vegas
Shila likes this movie, probably because she’s a girl.
3 – Mad Money
2 – The Hottie & The Nottie
Danny is not impressed by anything with Paris Hiltton in it. It’s appalling what girls will do for her attention on Paris Hilton’s BFF. Danny called Paris ‘Typhoid Mary’ because everything she touches turns into a mess. Danny was the guy that threw her out of a club and then watched her get a DUI immediately after. Sometimes Danny bounces at clubs for fun, but he was told he was too violent because it didn’t sit well with people that a short white guy kicked them out of the club, so they want to brawl.
1 – Love Guru
Shila went to go see this because it has ‘guru’ in the title and connected with her Indian descent.
8:39 – Danny uses dictation software to write e-mails and the program is trained to Danny’s voice. He had his girlfriend Amy read some phrases into the program and see what incorrect translation the program spit out. If callers get it correct, they win!
Earth and a sweater pocket a tether – Birds of a feather flock together
Leukemia horse to batter but you can’t sink a tank – You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink
Accidents flatter the woods – Actions speak louder than words
8:53 – Danny wants you to design his new station T-shirts. Doesn’t matter how you do it, computer image, wood carving, or glass blowing get it to Danny and your design could be on the streets of Philadelphia. Make sure the design includes The Danny Bonaduce Show and 94 WYSP!
8:56 – Danny’s doing comedy! One club owner said ‘Danny Bonaduce puts asses in the seats and his fans drink like pigs!’
9:00 – Yesterday Danny’s motorcycle battery died and Timmy from Mike’s Famous Harley-Davidson came out to give him a jump. It got Danny home, but the battery can’t hold a charge, so now he needs Timmy to rescue him again. When coming across the country from California the battery was drained.
9:06 – One of the managers from Mike’s Harley-Davidson called up to say that they’d take care of Danny again. Sweet! Danny gives them carte blanche to do whatever they need and want to do to his bike!I hope it comes back pink!
9:10 – News with Shila: Two robbers, one armed with a gun, stormed into the Forman Mills store in Olney early Wednesday morning and forced an employee to open the safe. Danny had a panic attack because he thought that Foreman Grills were stolen. He LOVES his Foreman Grill. If it can be cooked, Danny can cook it on his Foreman! He can even cook eggs on a Foreman, that’s skill and dedication! A man using a candy cane lawn ornament fended off a knife-wielding neighbor who had been attacking holiday guests at a Sacramento home. Danny thinks the man used a stripper named Candy to fight off the attacker.
9:22 – Hey, Where We Drinking? Tonight Danny needs to drink somewhere in Old City because the only transportation he has is Amy’s scooter, and he’s not going to be seen on the back of that. Last time Danny did ‘Hey Where We Drinking?’ he ended up with a $500 bar tab, so tonight there will be a special codeword.
9:37 – Danny takes suggestions for tonight. Coco’s at 8th and Chestnut, The Irish Pol at 3th and Chestnut, Danny will have to take more off the air because the show is running late.
9:53 – Hey, Where We Drinking? Lucy’s Hat Shop! 2nd and Market at 6:30 pm.
9:54 – Danny’s Final Thought: I want to make this perfectly clear tonight; because I want to drink with some Philadelphians tonight. My hometown, make sure you show up. It’s at Lucy’s, on Market between 2nd and 3rd at 6:30 tonight. Here’s how to remember the codeword: There’s only two reasons that I will pay for you drink: One to get buzzed, the other is to look at chicks that are hot. So come on down to Lucy’s and I will buy you a shot. The codeword is ‘shot.’
Wednesday December 3rd, 2008
6:02 – Danny is wearing his cold weather motorcycle gear. Metro thinks he looks like some sci-fi character that’s back from hell to avenge his death. Danny’s got a ‘brain bucket’ because he rides a Harley and it’s Harley law against full faced helmets.
6:05 – Last night Danny rode his bike to an appearance at the Hard Rock Café and a girl that looks like Jessica Rabbit started flirting with Danny’s girlfriend Amy. She sent Amy a text at 2:26am asking if she could come over, however Danny’s nose was bleeding. Why was it bleeding? Danny was backing his bike into a spot to park and he turned to tell Amy how great he thinks she is as she was taking off her full face helmet and bashed him in the face by accident. It could be broken; he’s busted it enough that it might not ‘click’ anymore. Parking attendants and Amy were freaking out but Danny was calm. When Danny and Amy got upstairs she wanted to call 911 because there was so much blood, Danny wasn’t having it and grabbed the phone out of her hand. She’s yelling, he’s bleeding all over her. Gross. How was your night?
6:26 – Danny calls Gibbons in the studio to talk about the fact that Gibbons is getting chicks off the show. Gibbons says not yet, but he’s got lots of offers. Gibbons calls girls ‘birds’ because they fly in, do awful dirty things, and fly out without commitment. Metro is jealous of the attention Gibbons gets. Shila understand Metro’s desire to be hit on even though he has a girlfriend. Danny seeks attention everywhere he goes. How charming is Gibbons? He shows Danny how he uses the show to woo the ladies. Danny will give Gibbons $1000 if he can snag 100 girls in a year and can prove it.
6:33 – Danny takes calls about ideas for the new T-shirt design. One guy’s concept is ‘Wake and Bake with Red Hair.’ Danny understands the concept, but isn’t sold.
6:36 – You can design Danny’s next station T-shirt! These shirts below best describe Danny’s style, tough, tight, beer drinking, car racing, and fight starting coolness. Use whatever you can to design your own shirts, sharpies, crayons, blood, whatever it takes. The only rules: Make sure to work in The Danny Bonaduce Show, 94WYSP, and be creative. Your creation will take the streets of Philadelphia by storm!
6:47 – Danny loves the station site, but find it’s difficult to talk to me (Monk) because I vibrate when I talk.
6:48 – Sure you recognize Danny’s face from television, but he’s done lots of television voiceovers for products like Ballpark Franks and Healthy Choice. Which leads him to the next segment inspired by the internet…
6:49 – What if condoms had sponsors? Nike: Just do it, Timex: Takes a licking and keeps on ticking; Chevy Trucks: Like a rock; Pringles: Once you pop you can’t stop; KFC: Finger licking good, M&M: Melts in your mouth and not in your hands; Bounty: quicker picker up Energizer keeps on going, and going, and going; Lays Potato Chips: Bet you can’t eat just one; Burger King: Takes two hands to handle my Whopper; Domino’s: You’ve got 30 minutes or your next one’s free.
6:53 – Danny takes a call from a martial arts fanatic that wants to talk about fighting and thinks Danny has no self control. Danny sets the record straight about the Los Angeles mugging that was written about in the National Enquirer.
7:19 – Mama Gibbons is on the line to talk about her son’s ‘bird hunting.’ Danny wants her to go pick up chicks with her son. She’s adamant about her son not having sex on her new countertops. Danny understands her concern, but wants Gibbons to get some use out of the ‘woodwork.’
7:31 – Katie Lee Joel, wife of Billy Joel is on the show. Billy is one of Danny’s heroes; he’s a great artist and a boxer! She talks about all the new Chex Mix ideas. Philly's favroite? The Muddy Buddies mix. According to the votes the original is still the best. Now it’s time for Battle of the Midlife Crisis! Danny thinks he’s cuter than Billy, Billy has more money. Advantage Joel. Katie’s got her own career, she’s published books, had a TV show, and doesn’t need Billy. Danny’s girlfriend, Amy, was a school teacher which is great for America’s future. Draw. The Joels have three cars, Danny has none. Advantage Joel. Billy wins. Katie Lee seems like a cool girl and if she ever gets sick of Billy, she can come over to Team Bonaduce. Billy has a great talent, but his personality kept a good girl like Katie Lee around.
7:53 – Danny loves a good insult, even if he’s on the receiving end. Danny’s favorite is when his wife, Gretchen, caught him in public with another girl and told him that he was ‘Just Danny Partridge, a sorority joke. You’re a dare. Women say ‘go flirt with the old guy, it’ll be funny.’ That knocked the wind out of Danny and he’ll remember that until the day he dies. Shila’s insult: You’re a poster child for abortion. There’s one that’s more offensive, but he’s can’t say it. You look just like a movie star, like Lassie doing a number 2. Another one Danny hates ‘Somehow I thought you’d be bigger.’
8:08 – Danny’s big fight versus Jose Canseco has been pushed back a week to Jan 24th at Ice Works in Aston, PA. Brutus the Barber Beefcake has been added to the card. Gary Coleman pleaded no contest today to charges of disorderly conduct and reckless driving, both misdemeanors, stemming from his alleged September throwdown with at a Utah bowling alley. The NHL suspended Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery indefinitely today for making a crude reference to former girlfriends while talking with reporters. Danny thinks that the other players dating Avery’s ex’s, like Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames, have broken guy code. Don’t date a friend’s ex, if you have to, ask for permission. He thinks its fine that Avery said that is justifying about. Avery and Phaneuf have both spent two minutes in her penalty box...Zinger!
Michael Phelps girlfriend used to work at an LA strip club, her stripper name was Sapphire. Danny’s favorite name for a strip club? The Spearmint Rhino. WTF? A former employee of UCLA Medical Center pleaded guilty Monday to selling information from the medical records of celebrities and high-profile patients, including Britney Spears and Farrah Fawcett, to the National Enquirer.
8:29 – Last night Shila dropped the news that she has to have an arranged marriage. She’s not in to doing it, but her family is pushing for it. Her family doesn’t care. There’s a lot involved in the process. The families have to meet, discuss the possibility of matching up and then the push for marriage is made. Shila feels that she’s close to the time in her life where it’s time to get married, probably to Sean. Her mother doesn’t know Sean as her boyfriend, but just as her friend.
8:35 – Shila has had 15 arranged meetings with prospective husbands in the past 5 years. She’s not averse to marrying an Indian man, but just hasn’t had a connection with any of the men she’s talked to. Shila can’t see herself opening up to another man when she’s in love with Sean already. Shila admits that she won’t be in arranged marriage and she’ll have to face her mother on the subject and probably let her down.
8:40 – Danny takes a call from an Indian guy who didn’t go through an arranged marriage even though his brother and sister did. His cousin is going through the same issue as Shila and feels there’s nothing wrong with arranged marriages, there’s a lower divorce rate too. It’s just a dating service with high expectations. Jews have J-Date, the Indians have I-Date!
9:27 – An STD clinic in KS trying to get couples to come in and get tested on a date. In Danny’s youth sex wasn’t deadly. Shila does EVERYTHING with condoms. Danny prefers raw dog. The catch to getting tested on a date? You have to wait 48 hours. The first time Danny was with his girlfriend Amy she had jimmy hats ready at her place because she’s a responsible woman, which threw Danny for a loop. Shila’s worst first date? She had to pick up the guy, took him to a home improvement store while she kept the store running. He came out of the store with a bag full of power tools that he says he stole. He borrows her car to drop off the tools to the guy he owes money too while she waits. He finally comes back and wants her to take her to get a haircut. She didn’t call him back and got into his face when she ran into him at a bar. The cops had to come and separate them because she was going to smash a bottle over his head.
9:55 – Final Thought – I’m thinking if it looks like you’re going to have sex with a girl on a first date, but if you could go prove conclusively that she does or does not have an STD. If she does you’re not gonna. So I say when it comes to boning it’s better to have boned and lost than to never have boned at all.
Tuesday December 2nd, 2008
6:01 – Danny has the sniffles today, not good for his reputation. Monday Danny’s entire week was in the Daily News gossip section; shopping, tanning, eating, and playing the piano are all major events.
6:05 – Danny is fired up for his new Blackberry Bold. It’s sweet! AT&T Wireless is a new sponsor of the show. All of Danny’s jewelry is from Hot Topic. Not one is more than $12. There’s no need for $20,000 Rolexes. All those rings do make it tough to get the leather jacket on. The kickstand on his Harley is fixed now, but yesterday he had to ride home with hair scrunchies holding it up.
6:27 – Danny accepted the Harvard Hasty Pudding Award in the nude, he thought he had the upper hand, until he put it over his junk and realized that it was in a freezer all night. Somewhere on the Harvard campus is a brass award with a sack mark on it.
6:32 – Danny loves the WYSP website. Over the weekend he got an e-mail from someone who thanked him for checking on their son after a traffic accident in Center City. Some car blew a stop sign and t-boned another, so Danny pulled over and checked on everyone involved in the wreck, including a little kid who was in the back seat of the first car.
6:37 – Sometimes car accidents bring out the worst in people and fights start in the middle of the street, even if it was their fault. Danny wants to design a smoking helmet so he can do the show while smoking cigarettes. Might be tough to drink coffee with that helmet. Shila suggests a gas mask bong like in Knocked Up.
6:52 – Danny’s 84 year-old mom sings at gay bars and she’s a hit!
6:53 – Danny loves that the station made Danny Bonaduce Show shirts, 94 WYSP means a lot to him. However he wants a rhinestone-free shirt that represents more of what he and the station are about. Danny was also interested in buying a muscle car, but he need something reliable and screams ‘WYSP’ on the streets. The new Dodge Charger is looking sweet to him.
7:09 – News with Shila: Traffic in Old City today because Barack and the Governors are in Philly today. This could ruin Danny’s walk home today. Hillary Clinton was named Secretary of State. The PSU Nittany Lions mascot is facing DUIcharges and now he might not make it to Rose Bowl. Mascot fights are the best! An 18-year-old in Dover woman has pleaded guilty to stabbing her boyfriend's 12-year-old niece in a squabble over MySpace. Shila thinks MySpace should be eliminated, it causes nothing but problems. Danny believes people will fight, no matter what. There’s only been 17 years of peace in the time history has been recorded. Religion and freedom fighters are the cause of wars. A man in San Antonio rammed woman on the highway because God told him to ‘take her off the road.’
7:28 – Shila’s boyfriend Sean is jealous about a guy she’s friends with that wants to come to Philly and visit. The new guy wants to go get drinks, see a movie, and grab a bite to eat. Sean is NOT cool with this. Because he’s a new guy friend, he’s under suspicion. Danny can’t believe that he’s agreeing with Sean. All the events the new guy friend wants to do qualify as date. This guy has a desire, need, and craving to go out with Shila and he’ll wait for his opportunity to pounce. Friends of the opposite sex cause emotional problems. Metro thinks that people can be friends without sex. Danny believes it’s just a matter of time and circumstance. Shila has other guy friends that Sean’s not jealous of. Danny’s tried to be friends with girls but it’s never worked out.
7:39 – Danny works hard to avoid other women because of his reputation. His girlfriend Amy makes sure that he’s in her sights. Danny thinks that trying to be friends with a hot chick is nothing but trouble.
7:46 –Danny takes calls on the subject. The synopsis is Danny wins by a landslide. One caller did get ½ a vote for Shila because he goes out to bars with his friends wife, but only to protect her and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.
8:02 – Entertainment News – Dax Holt from TMZ.com is on the line. Plaxico Burress is the most interesting story at the moment. The hospital he went to didn’t report the gunshot wound ande they’r being investigated now. The timeline is off too. Danny got jacked up on painkillers and wrecked his motorcycle years ago and put off going to the hospital until he could stand up straight. The next day the doctors were extra cruel because they didn’t believe Danny respected his body, so why should they? The NFL is waiting until all the facts are in until taking action. TMZ has video of Joaquin Phoenix rapping at a night club, not good stuff. Danny is one of the rare actors that can act and perform music, he raps for Dax! Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps is a babe magnet in Vegas. Danny thinks he’s too goofy looking to score hot chicks; they’re only interested in the medals. He’s dating out of his league because of the fame, but they stay because he’s nice to be around.
8:32 – Danny has a list of toughest TV action heroes from TV Guide. There are many flaws on the list. Callers also bring up Kevin Sorbo from Hercules, who didn’t get too big to turn off the girls, but Conan the Barbarian with Schwarzenegger was a great movie. One woman loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Another guy’s favorite was Wonder Woman, Danny loves that she can dodge bullets and use her lasso of truth for naughty things.
8:47 – One woman likes The Lone Ranger and Aquaman, Danny’s not having it. Aquaman talks to fish, not tough. Shila thinks that Spider-Man could give Superman a good fight. It would last 10 seconds before the Last Son of Krypton crushes Spidey’s skull. Another guy likes Lou Ferrigno as The Incredible Hulk. He’s a tough guy to interview. Danny’s dream sequence Marley Matlin as a damsel in distress and Lou Ferrigno as The Hulk. Someone else brings up Andy Griffith; he never had to pull his gun out. Adam Wests’s Batman gets a vote too, Danny wants big cartoon graphics when he punches people too. Lee Majors as The Fall Guy gets a vote too; Danny liked the show a lot. Charlie’s Angels are not tough enough for Danny.
9:06 – News with Shila: Some kid swallowed earrings from JC Penney’s to steal them. Danny was on a few episodes of CSI and swallowed in a scene that he wasn’t supposed to. The director made Danny to go the hospital for x-rays which was used in the show. The director had a talk with Danny to make sure that he wouldn’t actually hit another actor with a potted plant, even if it was in the script.
9:36 – Danny loves his girlfriend, but he’s a mercenary for money. There is no actual ‘The New Mrs. Bonaduce’ show, even though Conan joked about it in a monologue. Would it be prudent for his girlfriend Amy to disappear to make big cash for the show? Danny sees the upside, let her have a great vacation while he films the show. Metro thinks a great follow up show would be Amy and Danny rebuilding their relationship after Danny gets married again and divorced. Perhaps Amy could be on it to give advice and guidance for the girls that are on the show.
9:56 – Danny’s Final Thought: If a man is telling a beautiful woman that he just wants to be friends, then he’s lying. As a matter of fact, how ou can tell if a man is lying? His lips are moving.
Monday December 1st, 2008
6:02 – Danny had an action packed weekend. He also had issues with the kickstand on his motorcycle which wouldn’t stay up on his way to work and lead to extreme danger when riding over the cobblestone streets this morning. Danny fell off a stopped motorcycle in Center City at 5:30 am.
6:07 – Metro thinks Danny’s death defying moment wasn’t so dangerous. Maybe Metro can take Danny’s bike home?
6:08 – Over the holiday weekend Danny spent Thanksgiving at Jimmy the Bank Robber’s house. He just did a 13 year-old stretch, and he’s going to come in and do traffic later this week.
6:10 – Shila thinks the King of Prussia Mall is the greatest mall on earth. Danny’s not sold on that yet. He was there over the weekend. Danny was friendly to most everyone that came up to him at the mall, but got grumpy with one young girl who was rubbing his age in his face.
6:12 – After eating at Legal Seafood Danny stopped by a music store and had some fun with a player piano at Jacobs Music. After playing some with his girlfriend Amy he ended up putting on a live concert at the piano store at the mall playing ‘Piano Man’ by Billy Joel. Now Danny wants a player-piano in the studio to make new parody songs daily.
6:17 – Danny also has a new smokeless cigarette that he lit up while playing music at the King of Prussia Mall while playing the blues. Danny Bonaduce is the King of Prussia!
6:35 – Danny knows his girlfriend knows what men want, does Shila? Shila has irregular sex; what does that mean? Does she dress like one of the Village People? The last time was about two months ago. Maybe she meant infrequent?
6:36 – Maxim’s Top 10 Dating Mistakes Women Make:
#1 – You stop dressing up. Post baby women are not hot to Danny. If a woman isn’t dressed up that’s cool with Danny, if a girl is hot, she can pull off any look.
#2 – You can’t hold up your end of the conversation. Danny wants Botox for his bag
#3 – Trying to change him. Danny thinks men want to change, but it’s difficult after age. Men are America, women are Iraq.
#4 – You’re too quick to jump in the sack. What man wouldn’t want that? The longer Danny has to wait, the less respect he has for the woman. It took Shila and Sean a month to seal the deal, which is fast for her.
#5 – You expect him to spend, spend, spend on you. Danny almost agrees with this, if Danny’s not getting sex, he’s not spending money on the girl.
6:58 – Danny gives the details about 50 Days of Metallica. Ozzy once stole a bat bracelet from Danny, he also drank with James from Metallica at the Rainbow.
7:10 – News with Shila: NY Giants receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the foot at a night club over the weekend. How embarrassing. Guns at clubs have ruined Danny’s chances of talking to other guy’s girlfriends without trouble. Black Friday sales are up from last year, but in New York at man was trampled to death by overexcited shoppers who couldn’t wait for bargains. Danny would prefer to get run over by the running of the bulls in Pamplona than by women with coupons. Even getting trampled by the Chicago Bulls would be cooler.
7:22 – Danny is fired up to get into his Thanksgiving weekend with Jimmy the Bank Robber, ‘Thumbs’, and Jimmy’s scarred up mother!
7:28 – Last week Danny took calls from listeners inviting him over to their house for Thanksgiving Dinner. Jimmy the Bank Robber was the winner. Danny runs though Jimmy’s criminal history, it’s kind of long. Danny has audio of the whole experience. After polishing off some vodka they brought out some Crown Royal, which doesn’t sit well with Danny, but he wasn’t about to turn Jimmy down.
7:31 – Playback of the audio. Listen to it here - …How did he survive that?
7:40 – Danny had a great time in South Philly, even though he was threatened with death by cleavage on multiple occasions by Jimmy’s wife. They want him to come back for New Year’s.
7:46 – Danny gives away tickets to Friday night’s Ultimate Tribute Show at the TLA and qualifies the winner to go see AC/DC in Tampa and Guns n’ Roses whenever they tour next, which could be another 14 years at the rate Axl works.
7:54 – Danny uses dictation software to write e-mails. It doesn’t misspell, but it does use the wrong words often. Nice hat turned into nice ass. My Amy turned into Miami. Somehow it also wrote ‘Thank you for human tragedy’ in another e-mail.
7:58 – Jimmy the Bank Robber is on the line. Jimmy’s wife was hell-bent on scaring Danny. Jimmy plays the family history game with Danny. He’s going to come in later this week, but does Shila want him stopping by? Jimmy ‘Knows a guy.’
8:10 – Danny really wants a piano in the studio so he can write jingles and parody songs on the fly.
8:18 – Hugh Heffner’s new twins have a criminal record for felony aggravated assault for getting into a party at a house party in Florida last year. Danny thinks they’re hot, but when they speak he gets mad because of their improper use of the English language. Danny was kicked off Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling for being too rough. Dangerous Danny Bonaduce! Danny missed a turnbuckle and split his face open and got himself removed. Danny was kicked off, but tune in this weekend….You have not seen the last of Danny!
8:33 – Dear Danny: Andrew, 19, writes about trying to spice up his love life with his wife who is letting him have a three way, but he’s having problems finding a girl to join them. The solution: Let the girl do the asking. If you’re spicing things up now at 19, what’s going to happen at 35? Danny gives the marriage 5 years, tops. If the man asks, he’s a pervert. If the girl asks, she’s curious. Just back up and let the ladies work it out. The second girl wants to feel special, not like meat.
8:37 – Dear Danny: What do you do when you file for divorce and the husband/wife doesn’t want to sign papers and threatens to show up to court? Let him! If you fail to appear for a court date and stays hidden, you’ll win it all. When Danny was an armed security guard he was told that if he fired his weapon, to empty the clip in the bad guy. That way there’s only one side to the story, the right side. The winning side.
8:47 – Over the weekend Danny met Shila’s boyfriend Sean from Scranton. Sean bragged about all the money he made. Sean uses a blender to style his hair according to Shila. Danny was offended that Shila said her boyfriend has the same style as Danny. Metro’s girlfriend was mad that he was indifferent as to whether or not she came out to drink with Danny and Shila. Shila’s boyfriend had too much to drink and lost his cool and threatened to punch Gordon, who works at the station, for no apparent reason. Danny was ready to stand up for Gordon if Sean threw a punch at him. Shila doesn’t recall any of the events.
8:55 – Sean then told Metro’s girlfriend that he needed to have sex with some girls in Scranton. Maybe not eating all day and drinking all night affected Sean’s behavior. Shila was proud that Sean left a big tip when they left. Danny reserves the right to judge Sean on his first impression.
9:32 – Pete calls in with an a capella parody song about Shila to the tune of Tom Petty’s ‘Here Comes My Girl.’ He should’ve just stayed in bed today. Danny does have the skill of spontaneous rap, he busts out into a rap about boxing Jose Canseco and brothels. Listen to it here -
9:37 – Danny runs down a list of the most innovative brothels in the world.
#6 - Big Sister in Prague: It’s free, but you have to be willing let people all over the world watch you on the internet.
#5 – Bordels Mobiles de Campagne – French working girls that come to you!
#4 – The Bunny Ranch: The girls at the Bunny Ranch love Danny. Dennis Hoff is a genius
#3 – Soap Land: An industry in Japan where soaped up girls slide over your body. It’s an Asian slip n’ slide!
#2 – Pascha - 12 story tower that houses 120 prostitutes!!!
#1 – The Daily Planet – First brothel ever traded on the stock exchange back in 2003!
9:59 – Danny’s Final Thought: It takes a real man to know his limitations. When Jimmy the Bank Robber said ‘Yo’s, I want to do the traffic on your radio station.’ It was my inclination to say ‘No, this is my profession.’ Then I noticed the full sized horse head he had in the cabinet. I said ‘Why do you have a full sized horse head in your cabinet?’ and he said ‘You never know when you’re going to make a point.’ I thought ‘What ever happened to the rest of that horse? The brajole is kind of stringy’….So he’ll be doing our traffic.
